Trying Not to Notice It
by Vicarious90
Summary: How long can love be denied? In their Seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Harry and Hermione are fixing to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Do not own Harry Potter**

**Chapter 1**

Once again, a year at Hogwarts had come to an end, and Harry Potter found himself on the Hogwarts Express, returning to Kings Cross Station. It would be the sixth time Harry had made the journey away from the beloved home he had found in Hogwarts, but it would be the first time he did not long to return.

He leaned his head against the cool glass window of the rear compartment of the train and let the vibrations of the glass soothe his aching mind. It had been a tremulous year, which had ultimately brought the demise of Voldemort, but for Harry it was at too high a cost. Countless Aurors, students, and professors had lost their lives in order for Harry to win the war. Dumbledore, Hagrid, Sprout, Ginny, Seamus, Neville, Cho, Susan, the Creevys, and countless more had made the ultimate sacrifice. Sure, it was exciting to think that he could finish his time at Hogwarts without the threat of Voldemort hanging over his head. However, he knew the magic of Hogwarts was in the people, and he knew that the old school would never be the same.

Tired of his current train of thought, Harry stole a glance across the compartment at his two best friends Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger. Currently, they sat in comfortable silence with her head resting lightly on Ron's chest and his arm snaked around her shoulder in a comforting gesture. Whether it was the constant battles or the harsh reality of death, Harry found that the war had ended their squabbles, and he was extremely grateful for it. They had both changed and matured in the past year, of course Ron having the farthest to travel on that road. Ron had seemed to acquire an easy confidence and edge that helped to balance his often exasperating goofiness, which had inspired many in the several battles that had occurred in the past year. Hermione on the other hand seemed to soften as the year progressed, and he found her newfound patience and understanding toward him and others, especially Ron, extremely beneficial. Changed or not, he was just thankful they had both escaped the war with their lives. Continuing to subtly watch them, he saw Ron whisper something to Hermione. He then noticed her eyes quickly slid from Ron to himself then back to Ron. She then gave a discreet nod, which earned a smile from the red-headed boy who then gave her shoulders a quick squeeze. Breathing a sigh of relief at their continuing amicability, Harry once again resumed his previous activity and was quickly subdued by the vibrations of the glass.

As the train came to a stop, Harry pretended not to notice, content with just sitting there, his head against the window. He mentally willed Ron and Hermione to simply leave him, not in the mood for the awkward farewell chit-chat. As he resolutely kept his head upon the glass, he heard them both begin to move about and make towards the compartment door. He then heard a distinct pause; they probably figured out that he wasn't leaving with them. He then heard the opening of the compartment door, and then the immediate trampling of feet and the gushing voices in the corridor invade the compartment. However, above the rumble he heard Hermione whisper to Ron to go on without her. Grimacing to himself at her decision to stay behind, he heard the swish of the compartment door closing and felt the weight of a body in the seat next to him.

Refusing to acknowledge her presence, he continued to stare out the window. Clueing in to the fact that he would not be opening up the dialogue between them she tentatively began the discourse.

"Harry, I just wanted you to know that Ron and I are here for you, and that there is nothing that you can't share with us." With still no sign of intelligence radiating from Harry her patience began to wear thin, "We care about you Harry. That's what friends do. They share each other's burdens, and trust me we feel the weight of the war on us too. You just need to let us in, so we can all begin to heal. I mean, you haven't talked to anyone since the funerals and it's high time that you did. Harry, you are not alone, so come out of that bloody cupboard under the stairs and face the world that is finally yours for the taking, The life you have earned." she asserted, her voice heated as she concluded her speech.

Although touched by her fierce friendship, Harry still refused to respond, self-pity refusing to give way. Saddened by his resolve to ignore her, she gave in to his wishes, and quietly whispered, "Goodbye Harry, have a nice summer," and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek goodbye. His resolve breaking at the sorrow in her voice, he turned to stop her from leaving, but instead found his lips upon hers.

They immediately froze, shocked at their current situation. This was his best friend, this should definitely not be happening. However, when he began to feel Hermione deepen the kiss, he couldn't help but respond accordingly and wrapped one arm around her waist and let one become tangled in her hair. He felt her arms slid around his neck, and then they both became lost in the moment. He didn't know how long the kiss had lasted, but at last he felt Hermione pull away and lean her forehead against his. The were both breathing heavily; Harry had no idea what to say and instead gazed intensely into Hermione's eyes. An emotion lingered there in her brown orbs. Was it confusion, regret or something else entirely. However, he didn't have long to hypothesize as her gaze fell from his, along with her arms from around his neck.

"Harry," she whispered, " Ron asked me to be his girlfriend today on the train ride home." She paused, " And I said yes." She then quickly stood up and finally left the compartment, only this time Harry didn't want her to go.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

Harry silently watched the door several minutes after Hermione left, confusion his only companion. What had just happened? Of course he knew, but still he could not wrap his head around it. He had just kissed his best friend. Worse yet, he had just kissed his best friend's girl friend. 'Why must my life always become more and more complicated?' he pondered. Truthfully he wasn't sure how he felt about the kiss. It was sweeter than anything he had ever experienced before in his life, yet he knew it was wrong to feel that way. Happiness was not his to be had right now. As he gathered his things he attempted to push all thoughts of Hermione and that kiss out of his head, but found that he could not. 'Now I wish I could obsess over the war,' he thought as he made his way out of the compartment and down the steps of the Hogwarts Express.

As he came down the steps, he was met by a swarm of people, much like he had been met the summer after fifth year. He saw Lupin and Tonks shyly holding hands, Moody quietly surveying the scene with his swiveling magical eye, Kingsley standing tall and resolute with two people who could only assume to be Aurors behind him, a mass of freckles and red hair he easily identified as the Weasley clan, and of course Ron and Hermione, who stood just outside the train waiting for him to emerge. Cheers erupted from everyone present as he made his exit.

When he took the final tremulous step, he was immediately met with a slap on the back from Ron who said, "Hermione told me she told you about us. About time, right mate. Aren't I the luckiest guy in the world!"

Harry then turned his eyes upon Hermione who was failing at an attempt to hide her reddening cheeks. When she met his eyes he replied, "You certainly are mate. You certainly are." Her eyes lingered upon his, but then dropped to her feet. Harry took that as his cue and turned his attention back to Ron, shook his hand, and with a slight grin wished him a good summer.

He then proceeded to make his way through the throngs of people. He received several more slaps on the back, a few one arm hugs, and one near death embrace from the one and only Mrs. Weasley. As he reached the front of the pack, he was met by Lupin who gave him a firm handshake and a warm greeting, "Welcome back Harry. Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life"

Harry cracked a sad smile at his dad's old friend, "Yeah, but is the rest of my life worth the cost of others."

Lupin gave him a gloomy look, "Only you can make your life worth their sacrifice, and I have no doubt that you will. However, you must understand that none of this is your fault. Just the works of a diabolical madman, who loved to ruin lives. Don't let him ruin yours anymore, Harry."

"Thanks Remus," replied Harry slightly uplifted.

"Well then, are you ready to go?" inquired Lupin.

Harry quirked an eyebrow, "Where exactly?" Hoping he no longer need return to his Aunt and Uncle's.

"I was hoping you would ask that, because today we are moving you in to Godrics Hollow," replied Remus with a slight smirk on his face, enjoying Harry's confused face.

"But how? I thought the house my parents lived in was destroyed," questioned Harry, not quite comprehending the situation.

"Well, the main house was, but a cottage on the southern part of the property survived. I have kept it in a trust for you, but in a few weeks, when you turn seventeen it is all yours," replied Remus. "You won't have to worry about a thing. Mrs. Weasley has already attacked the place, making it livable. The only things that need to be added are any odds and ends you want or need to make it a place of your own."

Harry was truly speechless, and attempted to sputter a thank you as best he could.

Remus laughed at Harry's inability to express his gratitude, "I know, I know. You're welcome. So, now that you know where you are going, are you ready to go?"

Harry finally recovering his voice, "Absolutely!"

He then began to make his way toward the barrier with Lupin beside him. However, as he approached the barrier, he suddenly felt an intense need to turn around. It completely overwhelmed him, and in midstep he began to turn his head when he felt a firm weight land upon his shoulder. He quickly looked up at Lupin who had placed his hand on his shoulder with a sort of sad smile, "Harry, never look back."

"Yes, sir," replied Harry, and he watched as Lupin walked casually through the barrier. He began to follow, when once again the feeling to turn around overcame him. He tried to press on, but found he was not control of his body, and he turned around just as he approached the barrier. As he leaned back into the magical threshold the scene before him began to dematerialize, but not before he caught a glimpse of Ron and Hermione locked in a searing kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Very quickly three months had past, and for the last time Harry found himself on Platform Nine and Three Quarters preparing to depart for his final year at Hogwarts. It had truly been the best summer of Harry's life, simply because he got to dictate his daily schedule. He spent days simply soaring over the countryside on his Firebolt, afternoons fixing up the grounds of his property, and mornings visiting neighbors, all friendly with interesting stories about his parents and the rest of the Potter clan. Summer had given Harry time to cope with the war, although he knew the scars would never disappear. Summer had also given Harry time to cope with something else that weighed heavily upon his mind… his kiss with Hermione. For several nights after the "incident" Harry tossed to and fro in his bed, consumed by the thought of the kiss they had shared. However, after receiving a letter from Hermione with just her trademark comments of summertime homework and family vacations and no mention of the kiss, Harry decided that he was simply making to big a deal out of it. He chose to treat it merely as a blip on the radar of his very limited love life. For the rest of the summer, he and Hermione exchanged letters with ease, and he no longer thought of that stolen moment in time. Well, at least not all the time. Besides, he had received plenty of letters from Ron describing the joys of his and Hermione's new relationship. There simply was nothing between him and Hermione to stress about.

At the station, Harry casually looked around him for any familiar faces. Every once in a while, he would give a casual wave or a smile to someone he knew passing by.

However, his search was concluded by a quiet voice beside him, "I knew you'd get it."

Harry quickly looked to his left at Hermione Granger and smiled, "I guess I could say the same thing about you." They both fell silent and studied each other's respective Head Boy and Girl badges.

"Why didn't you tell me in your letters that you got Head Boy?" questioned Hermione, feinting annoyance at this important omission.

"I didn't decide till two days ago to accept the honor," he paused, "for it meant giving up Quidditch Captain."

"Oh my God Harry, I can't believe you gave up the Captaincy. You loved it so much," she sputtered. Respect, however, radiating in her every word.

"Sometimes you give up something you love for the greater good, no matter how bad you want it," he whispered. 'Bloody heck, where did that come from?' his head screamed, 'Cool it, Harry. She's nothing but a friend.'

He thought he saw her blush slightly, but she quickly recovered and continued, "Well Harry, I'm really proud of you; you know you deserve it. But then who is the new Captain?"

Suddenly from behind them they heard a jubilant yell, "Harry, Hermione, you are not going to believe this." As the pair turned around, they were met by a mass of red hair that could only be Ronald Weasley. "I got the Captaincy, I got the Captaincy! Just found out yesterday." He then proceeded to give Harry a swift handshake and Hermione a swift peck on the lips. "Can you believe it. Of course I had to give up my prefect status, but who cares. Didn't want that in the first place."

"Ron!" scolded Hermione.

He wrapped a quick arm around her shoulders, "Sorry babe, but being prefect was always more your thing."

He then turned his attention to Harry, "Congratulations mate! I see they made you Head Boy, no surprise there."

"Speaking of," interrupted Hermione, "Harry and I have a prefects meeting to run, which I suppose you, Ronald, will not be attending."

"You're right," continued Harry, "Lets get us all a compartment, then you and I head up front for the meeting."

After locating their usual compartment, Harry and Hermione met the school prefects at the front compartment of the train for the start of term meeting. After going over the new year's passwords, school rule additions and amendments, and hallway shifts for the next hour, the Heads dismissed the students.

When the last of the prefects filed out Hermione gave harry a jubilant smile, "I think we've got a great group this year. Looks like Seventh Year will prove to be the best one yet."

"It certainly can't be worse than any of the others," replied Harry.

"It will be the best, especially for you," she returned. "You deserve this peace more than anyone."

Not wanting to venture anywhere near war talk Harry turned the tables, "Well, it already is starting out as a great year for you, isn't it?" She gave him a puzzling gaze, and he continued, "You've made Head Girl, certainly a seven year pursuit. You finally get to take your beloved NEWTs, which you've been dying to take since you were first accepted. And, you are starting the year of with a boyfriend." 'Shoot, why did I open that door,' panicked Harry.

He saw her eyes drop at the mention of the last thing. 'I probably embarrassed her," thought Harry.

"Oh yeah, Ron's been great these last few months. I'm real lucky to have him," commented Hermione, eyes still on the floor.

In a quick decision, Harry decided to get the kiss on the train off his chest. Just to make sure she was OK. It was really the only way they could move on in their friendship without assuming that every glance and smile held a hidden innuendo. Which of course, they didn't.

"Hermione, look at me," started Harry. When he saw her eyes leave the floor and meet his, he almost faltered; they were so intense, yet so vulnerable. He began slowly, "About that... um... kiss at the beginning of last summer." Seeing that she still held his gaze he continued, "I just wanted you to know that it was a complete accident, which entirely should not have happened. I blame myself, and I hope it is something we can move past. I mean it was just a mistake, honestly." 'What in the heck am I saying? Sure it was an accident, but the best accident of my life,' mused Harry.

She gazed at him in silence for a few seconds; he'd almost swear he saw a hint of sadness flash across her face. However, it was probably imagined, for the next second she smiled at him and replied, "Oh, Harry I know it was an accident. We're mature enough to move past this. Look, it's not like it meant anything…" She paused after this statement her gaze eyeing the door, "Anyway, lets get back to Ron. I'm sure he's bored to tears by now."

"Yes, let's," Harry laughed. However, his laughter didn't meet his eyes. 'I didn't mean anything,' repeated in his head in Hermione's voice like a broken record. He watched her open the door to the compartment and quietly whispered to himself, "It didn't?"

He then saw Hermione suddenly stop at the exit, her hand quivering on the handle. Without turning around he heard an unexpected answer, "Of course it did, Harry. Of course it did." She then exited the compartment; a stunned Harry left in her wake.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to those who reviewed. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 4

For Harry the first few weeks of school had flown by, and soon the harvest month of October was upon him. Sadly, it had started out far from the best year of his life, and it was all because of Hermione. As soon as she had left the compartment that first day of school, his entire mental process had seemed to collapse. He had spent the rest of the train and carriage ride to Hogwarts by himself trying to recover; the words "of course it did" reverberating throughout his head. Having recovered partial sensation in his brain by the time he entered the Great Hall, he sat down next to Ron and Hermione at the Feast. He couldn't look at either of them, not sure of what, if anything, would come out of his mouth. He vaguely remembered Ron questioning his whereabouts on the train and teasing him about probably cornering a hot 6th year and using his "Savior of the World" charm for a quick snog. He wasn't even sure if he stood up when they introduced the Head Boy and Girl.

Speaking of his newfound position, he now shared the Head Boy and Girl quarters with Hermione. It was about the only place beside the classroom that he and Hermione interacted. The same could be said for him and Ron. He felt the vacancy between them quite distinctly, but according to the rest of Hogwarts and even to the happy couple they were still the Golden Trio, tried and true. Harry told himself it was them creating the gap, not he. Sure Hermione's comment had shaken him those first couple of days of school, but on most days he had himself convinced he hadn't even heard it. She had had her back to him; she very well might not have said anything. However, Harry knew it had been said deep down. So for now Harry had taken up the role of supportive best friend who "completely understood" the couple's desire for alone time. As a result, he had thrown himself into his schoolwork. In the mornings he awoke before Hermione and spent until the beginning of the first class studying. At lunch he confined himself in his bedroom with his NEWT books, content with the silence and not having to watch the happy couple cuddling from across the table. In the evenings, he would study in the Head's common room, just to show he wasn't completely isolating himself. He was often joined by Hermione and of course Ron who used the quiet of the Head's common room to also study. They were surprised if anything at his new study habits, but Hermione was supportive, telling Ron that at least one of them had learned the importance of an education. Of course his new habits put pressure upon her. No Hogwarts professor every thought they would see the day when anyone could rival Hermione Granger in the classroom, but this year Harry was making a great show of it. She had to work extra hard to maintain her status, which was especially difficult since she was enrolled in every NEWT class available.

The Quidditch season had yet to begin this year, due to the damage suffered to the pitch during the Battle of Hogwarts. The first game had to be delayed a month and therefore practices had also been delayed. In fact, Ron had scheduled the first team practice for tomorrow. That was why Harry was currently at the top of the Astronomy tower in the middle of the night. Firebolt in hand, he was preparing for a nighttime ride. It would behis first chance to ride since summer, and he didn't want to be rusty tomorrow. Stepping on the ledge of the tower, broomstick held out in front of him, he prepared to lift off. As he took one foot off the ledge, he heard the slam of the door behind him and Hermione's frantic voice, "Harry, please, don't do it!"

Confused, Harry turned around, "What the heck are you talking about?"

He saw Hermione's body lose its tension at the sight of his broom, "I thought you were going to, to…you know," she seemed embarrassed now, "Nevermind. I was just coming up to work on some homework for Astronomy, but I see the space is occupied. I'm sorry to have you disturbed you; I will exit now with the remainder of my dignity."

Heavily flushing, she turned to walk out the door. Laughing to himself Harry called out to her, "You can stay if you want. I was just leaving anyway." He indicated to his broom.

"That's alright. I wasn't in the mood for homework anyway," she replied.

Harry gaped at her, "The Hermione Granger, not in the mood for homework? Unheard of. I must be going crazy. I think I will jump now." He made a motion toward the edge, but stopped when he heard a scream from Hermione. "I was just kidding around," he replied, trying to console her.

"Well, it isn't funny," said Hermione, "I couldn't imagine losing you."

"You'll never lose me Hermione,' replied Harry, "You know that"

Hermione moved over to the ledge and stared out into the darkness, "Yes Harry I do know that, but why do I feel like we've become detached this year. When I say we, I mean Ron too. I mean we're all still friends, that'll never change, but I just feel like we've grown apart. I've tried to pretend that it is not happening, but you and i both know that it is."

Searching for an answer Harry gazed into the sky before responding, "It's just a part of growing up, Hermione. Wanting different things. Friendships are bound to change, but you are right about one thing. We'll always be friends, and that is what you need to always remember."

She turned her gaze upon him, "Thanks Harry. You always know how to make me feel better."

"Well, it is good to know I am good for something," Harry retorted. Hermione took a playful swat at his arm. "But anyway, enough philosophy for tonight, and since you aren't in the mood for homework. How about a ride on the old Firebolt? I'll let you have a go at it before I ride."

Hermione looked at him like he had grown two heads, "Are you kidding? I've never even been on a broom, and you want me to take a joy ride on a Firebolt."

"Come on Hermione. You've been on a broom before. All first years had to take Flying Lessons. It's no different with the Firebolt, just a little faster," replied Harry.

She began to mumble incoherently. "What's that Hermione? I didn't quite catch that," questioned Harry.

"I have never been on a broom because I couldn't even get the broom to get off the ground into my hand," she whispered a little louder.

As much as Harry wanted to laugh, he controlled himself for her sake. He knew that it had to been a difficult admission that she had actually failed at something, and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Well today is your lucky day, because I am going to teach you," Harry proudly stated chest puffed out.

Hermione laughed at his antics, "And why would I want the most famous seeker in Hogwarts history to teach me to fly? Seems a bit under qualified to me."

Harry laughed as well, "I suppose you'll just have to trust me."

Her face softened a bit, "I always have."

Harry attempted to hide his blush by fiddling with his broom, "Well anyway, lets get started. Go ahead and straddle the broom. You're right handed, so place that hand slightly about your left on the handle. Good, perfect position. You look like a pro already"

"Yeah, a pro who still has her feet on the ground," she retorted.

"Yes, that is a minor set back. But we can fix that real easy," replied Harry, and before a protest could approach her lips, Harry had jumped on behind her and they soared into the night sky.

Harry quickly wrapped his arms around her, placing his hands on top of hers to steer. For Harry the contact was pure bliss, and he became lost in the feeling of having her close to him. He was startled from his daze by a sudden shriek from Hermione. He looked up, and just managed to steer the broom away from the violent branches of the Whomping Willow. He then slowed the pace to a slow cruise when they reached the lake, and felt Hermione's body finally relax against his. "So," he whispered in her ear, " how's the ride."

He felt her sigh and to his surprise lean back against him, "Perfect. It's absolutely beautiful up here. I'm glad you shared this with me."

"Only with you Hermione," replied Harry, "Only with you."

They continued to soar through the sky. The peace and tranquility of the moment touching deep inside both of them. Finally reaching the Astronomy Tower, he gracefully descended upon the stone roof.

No need for words, they both walked silently back to the Heads Dormitory. When they arrived in their common room, Harry did something he had never done before andkissed her lightly on the forehead.He thenwalked quietly into his room and laid on his bed. As he simply listened, it was several minutes before he heard the door to Hermione's bedroom open and her soft gait cross the threshold. With a content smile upon his face Harry Potter fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up at an astounding 10 A.M. He had slept past his early morning study session. Thank God it was a Saturday and he had no classes, otherwise he might have slept through the first one. Rising from his bed, he went ahead and changed into his Quidditch robes as practice was in thirty minutes. Conjuring up a power bar for his breakfast, he casually left his room, mean while noticing Hermione had already left as well.

It had been the best night of his life. Uncontrolled emotions coursed through him, pure happiness radiated from his face. He wasn't sure where these pent up emotions were coming from. Maybe from the fact that it seemed his and Hermione's friendship was back on track, that they had regained that closeness. Yeah, that was definitely the cause. Her friendship meant everything to him; he would never intentionally jeopardize it.

Exiting out the big oak doors marking the entrance of Hogwarts, Harry headed towards the pitch. However, as he neared the stadium he noticed the team along with Hermione were all in a huddle at the center of the field. As he drew closer, he noticed Ron was at the center of the group holding something that seemed to have earned the rapture of everyone present. As Harry approached the team parted, revealing Ron holding a brand new broomstick.

Finally taking his eyes off the broomstick long enough to notice Harry, Ron began to gush, "Hey Harry! Can you believe it! Just got it through the post from Mom and Dad. The Stratus 5000, especially designed for a Keeper."

Harry grinned at his friends happiness, "That's great Ron. Now the pressure is really on. I don't expect a single goal to be scored against us this year with you on that thing."

"No doubt mate," replied Ron. He then turned his attention to Hermione, "Hey Hermione! Do you want to go for a quick ride? I know you've never been on a broom before, might as well let your boyfriend take you up for the first time."

At this statement Harry felt his Heart plummet, yet he didn't know why. Sure he had given Hermione her first ride, but of course she'd have preferred it to have been with her boyfriend. How stupid of him. He had robbed her of something she could never get back.

Edging away from the group he watched as Hermione responded, "Don't worry about it Ron. I have got to get back up to the school anyway; Flitwick's essay on household charms is due in three weeks and I am only on my third parchment. You know me, all work and no play. I'll see you later than, luv." Harry's jaw nearly dropped at her rejection to the invitation.

Ron slightly downcast replied, "Alright, but maybe another time."

"Perhaps," responded Hermione quite simply, and she turned her back to the group who immediately began to pester Ron for their own ride.

She then approached Harry who stood between her and the castle. Still shocked by her decision Harry couldn't help but comment, "You know, that is a really nice broom. You should give it a go."

She gave him a soft smile and responded, "Yeah, it is a nice broom, but it's no Firebolt." She then left for the school without another word, and Harry had the best practice of his life.


	5. Chapter 5

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 5

In the weeks following his nighttime ride with Hermione, his time at Hogwarts had definitely improved. After two very intense Quidditch games against Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, his team had emerged victorious and was therefore the forerunners in the Quidditch Cup as well as the House Cup. He had also managed to keep up his grades, earning a new respect from the professors and students beside that of "The-Boy-Who-Lived." However, what truly made the difference was that he spent less time alone. Since their midnight flight, Hermione had begun to get up with Harry for his early morning study sessions and study with him at night in their common room even after Ron had departed for the evening. Truly, Harry had never had so much fun studying in his life. Or was it that he had never had so much fun with Hermione before? They would laugh, talk, and debate about anything. Although they were studying, studying was not the point. It was simply their time to be together, something all friends need. He never realized just how much he missed her in those initial weeks of school.

Ron, surprisingly, didn't seem to mind his and Hermione's time together. Consumed by Quidditch strategy and training, he seemed grateful that Hermione had a "safe" diversion with Harry while he was busy. Of course, Ron would casually joke about Harry spending more time with his girlfriend than he did, but it was all in good fun. Ron and Hermione's six-month anniversary had come and gone, and it was apparent to everyone that they were still going strong.

As for him and Hermione, it was simply not that way between them. It just couldn't be. But Harry could not help but feel that at times when it was just them, her hand would touch his and just linger there, maybe a bit too long. And her eyes, how could they hide yet reveal so much at the same time? And when she'd laugh, man he would just sit and watch her laugh forever. Her laughter had been rare last year, and he was glad it had returned. He wasn't sure what he was feeling; he knew what it shouldn't be feeling. Hopefully it was just left over sentimentality from the war.

Currently, Harry could be found in the Head's common room along with Hermione and Ron who were in a heated discussion. From what Harry could tell, as he listened and pretended to be assiduously studying, after telling Hermione that he would be staying at Hogwarts for the holidays, which began tomorrow, Ron would now be spending the holidays at home.

Ron groaned as he continued to explain to her, "I've already told you. It was a last minute thing. I just found out today that I had to go home."

"But Ron, I was staying here to be with you. I've already turned down my parents on a ski trip to the Alps," retorted Hermione, face flushed from anger.

"I know, I know. I appreciate the sacrifice. Why don't you let them know you can go now?" replied desperately trying to get back on even ground.

"It doesn't work that way Ron. They've already scheduled it without me," countered Hermione. "Besides," she continued, "what about the Yule ball? I've already bought a dress and everything. Now, I suppose there is no point in going."

Ron walked over to here taking her hands, "You cannot know how badly I want to take you to that ball, but there are some things that can't be helped. Don't not go on my account."

Hermione sighed, "I know this isn't your fault. I just wanted to have this special night with you. I don't want to go now anyway; there is no point in going to a ball if you don't have a date."

"Look, I have an idea," replied Ron, "Harry can take you." CRASH! They whipped around finding Harry's stack of books, ink bottle, and parchment in disarray on the floor.

From the floor picking up his stuff, Harry hurriedly replied, "I don't think that's a very good idea Ron."

"Why not?" questioned Ron. "You don't have a date; you might as well take your best friend."

"Hold it right there Ron," replied Harry, "First, I don't have a date because I chose not too, and second, it's obvious she was counting on you taking her. I will not spend the night as the object of her disappointment because I am not you."

Ron began to retort when Hermione loudly clearing her throat interrupted them. "Did either of you think of asking me my opinion on the matter?" questioned Hermione. She looked at each of their guilty faces. "Didn't think so. First off Ron, don't go making plans for me. I'm a big girl, and I'll do what I want." Ron, red in the face, began to mumble incoherently; however, Hermione ignored him and turned his gaze upon Harry. "You may have picked up your studies a lot this year, but don't go assuming you know everything, including how I would feel going to the ball with you. Because you are wrong, I would love to go to the ball with you."

Harry stared into her eyes and was surprised to see she was serious. He gave a resigned sigh, "If that's what you want."

"It is," she shortly replied, and he could see that she meant it.

At this point Ron jumped in throwing his arm around them, "That's great. See how things work out in the end. Now I'm going to go pack. You be sure and keep the boys off my girl Harry." And with a quick wink at Hermione he was off to his own dormitory.

Harry and Hermione just stood there quietly, neither quite sure what to say. Quite uncomfortable, Harry began randomly pushing around his things on the desk. It was Hermione who broke the silence, "So you'll be meeting me around eight on Christmas Eve."

"Sounds good," responded Harry, not sure what else to say.

"Alright then. I guess I'll see you later. I'm going to spend some time with Ron before he leaves tomorrow," said Hermione.

"Good idea, I'll see you later," replied Harry, andwatched herwalk out the Portrait hole.

When he saw the door completely shut, he threw himself onto the couch and put his hands over his face. 'My God, what have I gotten into.'

A week had past, and now Harry was waiting anxiously in the Head's common room for Hermione to emerge to go to the ball. Currently she was ten minutes late, which made Harry even more anxious. He constantly paced the floor, each time he passed the mirror he tried in vain to flatten his hair. Truth be told Harry looked quite handsome. Opting for a tuxedo to coordinate with the muggle theme; he cut quite a figure. His tall, built frame, filled out his tux to perfection, and he'd acquired a grace in his step that not even the anxiety could mask.

Continuing to pace, he hadn't heard the door to Hermione's room, and it was only by a not so discreet cough that Harry picked his gaze up from the floor.

In no way was Harry prepared for what he saw. Emerging from Hermione's room was the most beautiful girl, no… woman he had ever seen. Her white halter dress hung to her every curve, accentuating the natural beauty of her body. The dress seemed to have a heavenly glow under the lights. Her hair fell in soft ringlets down her back. It was completely down and flowed like waves with her every movement. And her face, her face was perfection. Besides a hint of lip-gloss and shimmering eye make-up, it thrived on the natural beauty that only God could provide.

Harry wasn't sure how long he stared, but he was interrupted by Hermione's teasing voice, "Now would be the time to say something Harry."

He continued to gaze upon her and said the first thing that came to him, "You're beautiful. I never thought such beauty could exist in this world." The last part was barely above a whisper, but judging by Hermione's flushing face, she'd heard every word.

"Well, you look quite handsome yourself. Would you care to escort a lady to the ball," teased Hermione.

"It would be my pleasure," replied Harry offering her his arm.

They walked in comfortable both thinking that they were with the most handsome/ beautiful guy/girl at the ball. And when they entered the Great Hall there was no question that others thought that too. It seemed like everyone had turned and watched their entrance.

The hall was truly enchanting that night, with dozens of towering Christmas trees decorated only in gold and hovering candlesticks above the floor. Red and Green velvet lay across the tables, and the orchestra echoed through the halls beckoning young couples to the floor.

Harry watched as Hermione took in her surroundings, the grandeur of it all. He became even more determined to make this night special for her, a night she would never forget. He would start right now. He turned toward her and offering his hand said, "Hermione, could I have the honor of this dance?"

Hermione looked at him incredulously, "But you don't like dancing. I'm sorry to bring it up, but forth year was a disaster for you. You didn't dance anything but the opening number, and your date ran out on you."

Harry flushed slightly but replied, "True. However, that was Forth year, this is Seventh, and this year I would prefer not to lose my partner. So, I will ask again. Could I have the honor of this dance?"

Still doubtful, Hermione placed her hand in his, and he led her to the floor. When the music began to play, it was a slow song, and Harry expertly placed one hand upon her waist and continued to hold hers in the other. He then commenced to twirl her around the floor to the steady beat of the music. To say Hermione was surprised at his ability would be an understatement. She looked upon him in admiration, "Now when did you learn to dance? Last time I checked you were horrid."

Harry laughed, "You'd be surprised how light on your feet defense training can make you." Hermione's eyebrow quirked at this statement causing Harry to laugh again, "Ok, Ok. I learned through a book from the library. You didn't think the only reason I got up early was to study for classes, did you? I've been practicing for the past month."

"But you didn't know you'd be taking me till a week ago," replied Hermione.

"True, but I was counting on Ron giving me at least one dance with you, and I was going to use that three to four minutes to impress you. Is it working?" said Harry with a teasing wink.

"It certainly is. Though I hate to think that you had gone through all that trouble for a single dance," responded Hermione amused at her friend's antics.

"It would have been worth it," said Harry turning suddenly serious. Their eyes met, neither sure what they were looking for in the other's gaze. Harry was the first to break the trance, suddenly becoming very interested in his feet. Lightening the mood he continued, "Besides, look how things worked out. Now I get every dance with you. Can't let another guy enjoy your company or Ron would kill me, and that wouldn't be good for anyone."

Hermione laughed, and seemed relieved when he broke the tension. They continued to dance in relative silence, as more and more couples joined the floor. It was Hermione who broke the quiet, "You know, your form is quite good. But you need to loosen up. This isn't Victorian England, and we don't need a foot between us. So hold me a little closer; it's not like I'm your sister or anything."

"I've never thought of you as a sister," replied Harry and he immediately held her closer leaving not a single space between them. Harry had to admit, he was enjoying this position much better. "Is this more to your liking," he questioned Hermione.

She seemed momentarily speechless for some reason, but he was able to make out a weak "much."

As they continued to sway to the music he felt her head lay on his shoulder. He breathed a content sigh. 'If only it could always be like this,' mused Harry. 'Oh my God, what am I thinking. She's Ron's girlfriend. It can never be like this. I shouldn't want it to be like this. She deserves to be with Ron, and Ron her. That's the way it is, the way it is suppose to be.' However, at least for tonight he had the façade of having her for his own. He then rested his chin upon her head, and got lost in the feeling of having her in his arms.

It was a little past 2 A.M. when Harry and Hermione finally made it back to their common room. It was obvious from the smiles on their faces and the laughter in their voices that they had had a wonderful time. Not quite ready to retire, Harry led Hermione out onto their balcony, which they had expertly cast a heating charm upon at the beginning of the winter. With her arm lazily tucked in Harry's they approached the edge and dreamily looked out upon the white expanse of the Hogwart's grounds. They remained silent enjoying the company and atmosphere.

Looking up at the stars Harry commented, "It's hard to believe that these are the same stars the first Head Boy and Girl looked out upon, that their light will shine for eternity."

It was several seconds before Hermione answered, "Is that how long we are going to wait?"

"What do you mean, how long are going to wait?" questioned Harry, but afraid he knew what she meant.

"Eternity Harry. To acknowledge this thing between us. Don't pretend you don't see it Harry or for that matter feel it. This thing between us. I can't explain it, but it's there. It's like there is something more for us... Don't you ever think about that kiss," she answered, her eyes never leaving his.

Of course he did. Of course he felt it, probably even more so than she. A part of him wanted to tell her he felt it too and to heck with Ron, they should be together. However, the other part of him knew that this could not be said. Ron deserved more respect then that. Pain in his eyes, he untangled his arm from hers and took a step back. The look in her eyes at his action nearly killed him, but he forced himself to stand there.

"Hermione, Ron's location doesn't change who we are. You're still his girl friend and I'm still his best friend, whether he is fifty miles away or five feet away. As long as that is true, I will not be having this conversation with you. We owe Ron that," replied Harry unable to meet her eyes.

Suddenly he felt a hand push his face up and he was met with Hermione's face merely inches from his, "What about what we owe ourselves?"

All Harry wanted to do was close the distance between them. It had been months since the first and the last time he had felt his lips upon hers, and his body ached to feel them again. However, gaining his resolve he looked straight into her eyes and responded, "We owe it to ourselves not to do something that will hurt others and that we regret later."

He saw the sadness overwhelm her eyes; she seemed to be fighting the urge to cry. "You're just this way with me, aren't you?"

He sighed, "Only with you Hermione. Only with you."

She brought a hand up to her eye, wiping away a rogue tear before looking back up at him, "I suppose I should be flattered."

"You should be. I just don't ever want to lose you. You're my best friend, Hermione," he ended rather weakly.

Hermione took a step back from him, "That's just it Harry. I'm your best friend, and you can't let go of that."

"Not yet, Hermione," Harry quietly answered.

They stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity, stuck in a dance of unspoken desires.

"I suppose the only thing left to say is Merry Christmas," whispered Hermione, and she quietly exited the balcony without a single glance back.

"Merry Christmas Hermione," replied Harry, yet she was already gone. It was there he stood for the next hour, only an empty heart and the feelings of regret he had tried to avoid in the first place left to keep him company.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I love to hear back from my readers, so please review or please continue to review if you have already done so. Thanks!

Chapter 6

The weeks following the Yule Ball were less than enjoyable for Harry both before and after Ron returned from the break. The week prior to his arrival back at the castle had been at the best times awkward between him and Hermione. The rest of the time was pure Hades. The things was, it wasn't as if Hermione was mad at him, it was simply that she was withdrawn. Any ground they had made up in the weeks prior to Christmas had been completely lost. Sure she still studied with him in the mornings, but instead of side by side with a running commentary she worked across the room with her back to him. Sure she still chatted with him at lunch, but it was forced and often prompted by Ron. They lived in a façade where everything was all right to the outside viewer, but Harry feltan absence in their relationship and he was sure she did as well. His only hope was that things would blow over in time, besides she seemed perfectly content with Ron. Even weeks after, he still couldn't look at her without thinking of the very enthusiastic greeting she bestowed upon Ron when he arrived. Barely even off the train Hermione had catapulted into his arms, laying a sizzling kiss upon his lips. Much to Harry's chagrin the last few weeks had seen a drastic increase in PDA from Hermione. Even Ron was a little wary, but in the end he chalked it up to absence making the heart grow fonder. Harry meanwhile simply made it through the day by telling himself that he had done the right thing. His friendship to both Ron and Hermione meant more to him than anything. There was no way he would put either of their friendships on the line for what could be a fleeting feeling. He was sure his and Hermione's relationship would eventually settle back into what it had been for the first six years of school. That was a safe place for their friendship to be.

Currently they were in Charms class. It was Friday and everyone was anxious for the weekend, but the promise of a special activity from Professor Flitwick managed to maintain the classes attention. Talking loudly to his or her neighbors no one noticed when Professor Flitwick entered the classroom. It took him several minutes to obtain the classes complete attention.

"Now that I have your attention, our lesson can begin," said Professor Flitwick and brandishing his wand a large mirror edged in stone appeared at the front of the classroom. "Can anyone tell me what this is?"

Harry groaned. Of course he knew what it was. He had plenty of experience with it in his first year. It was the infamous Mirror of Erised. He saw Professor Flitwick look pointedly at him and Hermione expecting the top students to supply the answer; however, Harry's heart wasn't in it to answer the question. Harry then waited for Hermione to respond for he knew she knew the answer after informing her of his and Ron's experience that year. When she didn't respond his cast a glance at her. Her eyes were boring a hole into the desk; it was apparent to him as well as the Professor that she did not want to answer, though he couldn't imagine why.

"Does anyone have the answer?" pressed the professor anxiously looking around the room.

Rather hesitantly it was Ron's voice that answered, "It's the Mirror of Erised. It shows the person who looks into the mirror the deepest desire of their heart."

"Very good Mr. Weasley," said Professor Flitwick relieved that someone answered, "No one knows exactly how the mirror obtained this charm, but it has called Hogwarts home sense the school's founding. Every year as a special treat I allow my Seventh years to look in the mirror. Just once of course, for the mirror can bring misery to those who dwell upon its contents. Mr. Weasley, since you were so kind as to answer my question you may go first. If any of you wish to share with the class what you see, please feel free. Of course some viewings will be rather personal, so you are not obligated."

As Professor Flitwick ended his remarks, Ron hesitantly rose from his desk and stood in front of the mirror. Harry watched his friend's face as it changed from one of anxiety to one of elation. He turned around pumping his fist in the air. "It shows me making the winning save at the Quidditch World Cup winning the title for England!" shouted Ron excitedly.

Harry looked around at the class who smiled at Ron's enthusiasm, but he couldn't help but notice a look of disappointment upon Hermione's face. Not that he blamed her; one would hope that their boyfriend would have them as his deepest desire. As if reading his thoughts Hermione turned to look at him. For a moment she locked eyes with Harry. He gave a sympathetic smile, which she seemed to ignore turning her attention back to Ron. She gave him her best smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Excited after Ron's positive viewing, the rest of the class hurriedly formed a line in front of the mirror. Harry found himself second to last in front of Hermione, not wishing to compete with the rush of students. As time dragged on there were more and more excited burst from students. He recalled Lavender screaming out about being editor of Witch Weekly and Dean shouting about owning his own football team. With four people left to look in the mirror the bell rang.

"Don't worry you four I will give you some time after class today to view," said Professor Flitwick trying to assure the students, including Harry and Hermione that they would get a turn.

Ron not wishing to wait around when lunch was being served gave Hermione a quick kiss and told them he would see them in the Great Hall in a few minutes.

As the rest of the class left he patiently watched as the two students ahead of him look in the mirror. After viewing their respective desires, they left the room. Finally it was Harry's turn. He had to admit he was rather excited. It had been six years since he had first gazed upon his parents in this mirror, and he was looking forward to seeing them beside him once again.

He stepped in front of the mirror, a smile upon his face, and waited for the images for his parents to appear. As he waited, only a solitary image began to form beside him. It was a woman. 'It must be Mom,' thought Harry quickly. However, as the figure took shape it was not his mother at all. It was Hermione. Thinking she had slipped in beside him to look in the mirror with him, he looked to his left to tell her to wait her turn, but was shocked to see that Hermione was half-way across the room. No where near him. Slowly he turned his gaze back upon the mirror, and there she was. Standing right next to him. He saw her grab his hand, not shyly but like that's where her hand was meant to be. Always in his. He saw his mirror self and Hermione face each other. He saw himself gently place his arms around her waist and Hermione place her arms around his neck. Then they slowly met in a kiss. He couldn't believe how much pain this caused him, for he knew it was something he could never have, that he had given up the chance of having a few weeks ago. He closed his eyes and forced himself to walk away. Now he knew what Dumbledore meant about the mirror having the capability to drive you mad.

Harry barely managed to coerce himself to stay in the classroom and wait for Hermione. He tried his best to hide his gaze from her. Sure she would see the images revealed by the mirror in its depths. As she walked to the mirror, he saw her glance at him at the corner of her eye. Of course she knew when something was wrong with him. He tried to inspire some normality in his mannerism, but found that he could not. He instead watched intently as Hermione squared her shoulders toward the mirror and look into the smooth glass. He noticed after a few seconds her posture stiffen; her eyes grew wide and glassy with tears. As if in slow motion her head turned and their eyes met, and in their depths he saw her deepest desire. It wasn't hard to recognize, for it was his own. It was almost as if he could see the two of them reflected in her brown orbs.

Finally she broke the trance between them and ran from the room, nearly knocking over Professor Flitwick. Harry soon ran after her ignoring the cries and shouts of the distraught teacher.

He followed her up the stairs and through the maze of hallways. She continued running despite his shouts for her to stop. When they reached the Portrait leading to their rooms he was almost behind her. Having to slow down to say the password and open the portrait hole, he managed to grab hold of her arm as soon as they reached the common room.

Despite the hold upon her arm she would not face him. Panting he asked her, "Hermione, what did you see?" He had to know for sure what she saw. His heart would burst if she did not tell him. "Hermione," he asked again, "please, what did you see in the mirror?"

Slowly turning around he was met by a tear stained face. His heart nearly broke at the sight. Looking into his eyes she answered, "That is not a question you get to ask." And wrenching her arm away from him, she ran into her room and slammed the door.

Watching her go, Harry's fell to his knees, his face in his hands.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you to all of you who reviewed. Keep them coming. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 7

If Harry thought his relationship with Hermione couldn't retrogress any further, he was dead wrong. Things had never been worse between them. You would have thought that the last six years of friendship never even existed, and it was Hermione single-handedly digging the canyon between them. She treated him with indifference, and refused to acknowledge him in public or private. From the morning after the mirror lesson, where she refused to acknowledge his presence at breakfast continuing to today, two months later, where as partners they had made a potion in complete quiet, she had maintained this cold silence. Poor Ron was caught in the middle, not having a clue what caused the rift in their friendship. Of course Harry knew the cause. It was that stupid mirror; he was nearly sure. She was trying to get him out of her head or in this case out of her heart. She had seen him in the mirror; he was almost positive. Her reaction to him was giving it away; however, he could never be entirely sure. If only I knew for sure what she saw, we could fix this. He would tell her they could move past this without sacrificing their friendship.

Of course he wanted to know what she saw for another reason as well. 'If she saw me in the mirror,' thought Harry, 'It could mean…it could lead.. we could be…' He paused frowning. 'What could y'all be Harry?' questioned his voice of reason, 'Whether she saw you or not she is still with Ron, you still turned her down when she gave you an opening. Take it from Hermione, that is not something you get to wonder about. You gave up that chance.' Harry had to succumb to reason, but that hadn't kept his train of thought from going there over the past two months.

Unknown to Hermione, Harry had seen her little momentary lapses of her purge of all things him. He had seen her slightly smile when he would beat her on the occasional test. He had seen her cheer harder for him than any fan in the stands when he caught the snitch at a Quidditch game. He knew it was she that took his glasses off and tucked a blanket around him when he fell asleep on their common room sofa studying. All of this proved she still cared despite the majority of her actions. Not a day went by that Harry didn't try to talk to her or simply sit near her; however, she always walked away or found somewhere she had to be. Ron tried to get Harry to stop approaching her, and simply let what ever was going on blow over, but Harry wouldn't listen. He was determined to have her back in his life. Of course only as a friend; he could keep his heart at bay. He simply had to think of a way to renew their friendship.

Of course now was not the time to think about that, for he was in the midst of a Quidditch game against Ravenclaw for the Cup. Whipping past players and bludgers he attempted to give his undivided attention to searching for the snitch. Casting a quick glance at the opposing seeker, he was reassured to see that they were having as little luck as he was. Now was the perfect time for Harry to catch the snitch. His team was fifty points ahead; a catch right now would secure the Cup with points to spare. Keeping his eyes moving he looked frantically for any sign giving away the location of the elusive snitch. As he looked, his eyes couldn't help but come across Hermione, watching him intently. He smiled as she quickly attempted to divert her attention to some other player. As he began to shift his gaze; he spotted it. Hovering inches above the ground near Hermione's stand. Noticing his gaze the opposing seeker followed Harry's line of sight also spotting the snitch. They both began a very steep dive toward it. Reminding him very much of First year, the two seekers were shoulder to shoulder as the gained speed on their downward spiral. As the neared the ground he could have sworn he heard the other seeker yell, "You're crazy mate." And then felt him pull out. Having been gazing intently at the snitch he was just beginning to realize that he had way too much speed on his dive. Not wanting to take a chance at slowing down and losing the snitch he continued down, hoping he could pull out in time. Finally the ground was upon him, lifting one hand off the broom he felt himself enclose the snitch. With the other he attempted to pull up, but he could not overcome the acceleration. Thinking to soften the fall he leapt side ways off the broom; however the force of the impact still overwhelmed him. It was as if the world went into slow motion. He heard what seemed like distant screams and his teammates descending from the sky. Suddenly a face blocked his view, and two chocolate brown eyes mesmerized him. It was Hermione.

"You're going to be alright Harry. Just stay with me," she told her voice frantic. Harry felt himself smile, then all went black.

The next thing Harry remembered was the throbbing pain inside his head. Opening his eyes the world began to fade in. When the room continued to blur he realized his glasses must be off. Familiar with his surroundings thanks to his frequent trips to the hospital wing, he knew his glasses would be sitting on the nightstand to his right. However as he went to grab them his right hand was weighted down. Staring at his bedside he noticed someone there who was beginning to stir.

"Oh my God Harry. You're awake," spoke Hermione's voice. "I must have fallen asleep. How are you feeling?"

"Well," replied Harry, "My head feels like it is ready to explode and staring at this blurry landscape is making me sick, but other than that, I'm great."

"Oh, sorry. Let me get your glasses," replied Hermione hastily.

He felt her hand slid from his, and he tried to suppress the desire for her to hold it again. A few seconds later he felt her place his glasses on his head, and the world came into focus. His eyes were met by a dazzling smile from Hermione. He smiled back glad to have her there.

"I'm glad you are feeling well Harry," she told him. "You've been out for ten hours. It's past midnight. You broke several bones, which have already been repaired, but you will have to manage the concussion for a little while. Madame Pomfrey left a little while ago to get some ingredients for a potion to heal it. Oh Harry, I was so worried about you."

"Were you?" replied Harry, his smile falling.

"You know I was Harry," replied Hermione all seriousness. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm sorry, but I had to ask.. The last two months would testify otherwise," he replied solemnly his gaze not wavering from hers.

"Come on Harry," responded Hermione her voice softening, "Things had to change after… you know …everything that happened. With all that happened this year it had to lead to this."

"We both know it could have lead us somewhere else too," responded Harry raising his voice slightly.

"Life is all about circumstances Harry. I'm with Ron. He is a good guy, you know that. And he wants me Harry. He wants me. I may be different from other girls Harry, with more concern for books and cleverness than fashion and makeup, but every woman wants to feel wanted. You turned me down when I tried to open up to you, what was I suppose to do?" she shakily replied.

"I don't know Hermione, but we still could've been friends. How could you toss away six years like that?" questioned Harry quickly losing control.

"Because I can't even look at you without wondering 'what if?'" screamed Hermione. Looking around as her voice echoed the halls, she lowered her volume, but the intensity still hung from every word, "I can't live my life wondering what could have happened if I hadn't of been Ron's girlfriend when we kissed on the train. I am Ron's girlfriend, and I owe it to Ron not to be thinking of his best friend when I am kissing him."

Harry was shocked into silence; he couldn't believe the words she was saying.

Seeing Harry lost for words she continued, "So you see Harry. This isn't how I want it to be this is how it has to be. Maybe one day we can be friends again."

Getting up from his bedside she turned to leave tears in her eyes.

"Whether you've quit being mine or not, you know I won't ever stop being your friend Hermione," said Harry.

He watched her stop and slowly turn around and face him, "I know. That's what make you a great wizard Harry." He then watched her run the rest of the way out of the room.

Harry had little time to absorb his conversation with Hermione when Ron burst in the room.

"Hey Ron close win but.." Harry started, but he was quickly cut off.

"What did you say to her?" questioned Ron anger flaring in his eyes.

Harry was shocked, "What do you mean?"

"You heard me. What did you say to Hermione? I caught her flying out of here sobbing. See wouldn't tell me what happened, so you better," Ron responded trying to keep his voice down.

Not wanting to reveal their conversation especially with Ron, he tried to cover, "Nothing mate. I suppose she was just worried about me. I mean it has been a while since I have had a near death experience; she just wasn't prepared…"

"Give me a break Harry," interrupted Ron, "You know as well as I do Hermione doesn't cry over nothing. You as well as I also know that Hermione is not talking to you right now, and after what I saw a few moments ago you better keep it that way."

"Come on Ron," replied Harry his anger toward Ron increasing, "you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. She's my best friend. I just want to be there for her."

"Well, that is my job, and it is apparent she doesn't think of you as a friend anymore, so just respect her wishes and stay clear of her," retorted Ron.

"I will not Ron," shouted Harry angry at Ron trying to tell him what to do, "Like I said, she's my friend-

"Well she's my girlfriend," bellowed Ron.

"I don't care. She's beenmy friendsince First year. I won't lose her," growled Harry his eyes blazing as he rose from the bed to face Ron.

"You already have Harry. Just face it," retorted Ron approaching him.

"It hasn't ended," cried Harry tension mounting.

"She doesn't want to be around you. Be a man Harry and let her go!" roared Ron.

"I can't. I won't," yelled Harry quickly losing control.

"Why the heck not!" shouted Ron, "It's what she wants!"

"I just can't," shouted Harry his head now spinning.

"Why not," pressed Ron his face the color of his hair.

"I can't Ron!" repeated Harry starting to break down.

"WHY!" shouted Ron.

"Because I'm in love with her!" screamed Harry.

Suddenly all was silent, and his final words rang throughout the high ceilings of the wing. To shocked by his own revelation Harry didn't see Ron's fist coming full force at his head until it soundly connected with his left eye. He felt his glasses snap and some of the glass pressed into the skin around his eye. The force of it knocked him back into the nightstand. The throbbing in his head now increased and without his glasses he couldn't focus in on Ron. Wishing he had his wand, he merely braced himself for another shot. However, it never came. Instead he saw a blurry Ron come towards him and grab the collar of his nightgown. It was only when Ron's face was inches away from his own did his features come into focus. His eyes were blazing with anger and his face was red and contorted. Shaking with fury he heard Ron whisper, "Because you _were _my best friend for nearly seven years I will not hit you again, but I will not display this much control if I even see you look at her in the wrong way in the future. After graduation I'm going to ask Hermione to marry me." Ron seemed to pause almost hoping Harry would react so he'd have an excuse to hit him. Harry tried with all the inner strength he possessed to not react, but on the inside he was falling apart. "You have a month to wrap your head around it, Harry. Find a way to be happy for us." And with those parting words Ron released Harry's nightshirt and left the hospital wing without looking back.

Harry slumped back into his bed, face in his hands. How could this be? He was in love with Hermione. He groaned, how on earth had he gotten to this point? They'd only kissed once, and it wasn't even on purpose. He forced himself to look back on their relationship. From the Sorcerer's Stone to the defeat of Voldemort she had always been there for him, even in Forth year when Ron wasn't. In Fifth she even risked her life to follow him to the ministry when she knew it wasn't a good idea. Even in the Final Battle she never left his side, not even during the final confrontation with Voldemort. Whether she was nagging him about homework or looking the Dark Lord himself in the eye, she was a constant in his life that he could never live without. He laughed at himself. How could he not be in love with her? Looking back upon their relationship he now realized sure he had always been her friend but he was always just a little bit in love with her. Actions not words inspire love, and throughout the years he had steadily fallen. Too bad it took an accidental kiss on a train to bring these emotions to the surface. Now just when he could admit he loved her, he had to let her go. Why did he always lose the one's he loved?


	8. Chapter 8

Here is the next chapter. Thank you to all of you who reviewed, please continue I love to hear back. I hope y'all enjoy the new chapter.

Chapter 8

Harry had not slept at all that night. Scenes of him and Hermione over the years played over and over in his mind keeping him up. The pain caused when Ron hit him seemed minute compared to the unbearable ache in his heart. All night he had repeatedly asked himself, 'How could I not have known I was in love with her?' He was tormented by this question, but in the end he knew the question was irrelevant because he had already lost her. 'Ron is going to marry her,' he sighed to himself. It broke his heart to even think about it, and the worst part was that he knew Ron could make her happy. He knew in his heart that he would give her a good life. As long as she was happy, Harry had no justifiable reason to come between them. It had taken Harry all night, but in the end he knew his only choice was to let her go. He loved her enough to let her be happy with another man. He loved her enough to toast to her and Ron on their wedding day. He loved her enough to be only the Godfather of her children. He loved her enough to only be her friend. He would love her forever only in the silence of his heart because that was what fate asked of him.

It was almost nine o'clock the next morning, and he knew that his first class of the day Transfigurations would be beginning in a few minutes. Sleep deprived and with a heavy heart he had no desire to attend class, but since staying the remainder of the day in the hospital wing was even less appealing he decided to check himself out. Groaning as he got out of the bed, he quietly got dressed and exited the hospital wing without drawing the attention of Madame Pomfrey. As he walked down the stone corridors towards Transfigurations, he caught a look at himself in one of the windows. He had to wince at what he saw. If the pale face and blood shot eyes weren't enough to turn someone off, the deep purple bruising and cuts along his left eye and cheek would certainly cause some to lose their appetites. Not in the mood to return for a quick fix in the hospital wing and nearly to the classroom, he continued on his present course.

Once he reached the classroom, he looked down at his watch, which indicated he was five minutes late. Hoping to slip in unnoticed, he quietly opened the door. Instantly he was met with the familiar scene of Transfigurations class. He saw Professor McGonagall checking roll at her desk and his fellow Gryffindors promptly responding when their name was called. He glanced around looking for an empty seat when his eyes fell upon Hermione sitting in her usual front row seat. He instantly felt his heart begin to beat faster. He watched her as she carefully arranged her desk for the day's lesson. He couldn't help but smile as she meticulously arranged her parchment and quills upon her desk, each with its own unique position. He couldn't help it when his breath caught as she flipped her hair from her face. She was absolutely beautiful. It seemed like finally admitting his love for her had heightened his every emotion. It was as if his whole world was made perfect just by watching her. Frozen in the doorway he knew loving her in silence would be a lot harder than he imagined.

Still staring he was thrust from his trance by the stern voice of Professor McGonagall, "Mr. Potter, I assume that fall during the game didn't make you a statue. Would you please take a seat and join the class." As the rest of the class turned towards the door, there was an audible gasp as they laid eyes upon his face. He entered the room very subconsciously. The first pair of eyes he met was Ron's sitting of course, next to Hermione. His face was cold and Harry could tell he was fighting the urge to say something; however, as Harry met his gaze he could see a hint of remorse in Ron's eyes. A flash of hope ran through Harry. He knew it would take time to earn Ron's friendship and trust again, but one day he knew they would overcome this. Removing his gaze from Ron, his eyes next met Hermione's. She may pretend that she wasn't his friend, but no front could hide the depth of concern in her gaze as her eyes traversed his face. 'She still cares,' thought Harry, 'and for now that is enough.' He gave her one last fleeting look and went to sit down in the back row. As he walked down the aisle, he knew her gaze was still on him, and it pained him. It made him think there was hope for him and her, when he knew they could be nothing but friends, and right now they weren't even friends according to Hermione. He needed to focus on changing that, and not get lost in wistful hopes.

Turning around to sit in the desk, he saw Hermione quickly face the front. He sighed, then wearily looked toward Professor McGonagall as she began to speak. "As I hope you all know, your NEWTS are in three weeks. These are the tests that will define the rest of your lives." She paused to make sure the gravity of the situation had sunk in before she continued, "You will be pleased to know that you have learned everything in every subject we could possibly teach you in preparation for these examinations. Our job is finished; the rest is up to you. Therefore, the next three weeks worth of classes will all be review sessions, a study hall you may call it. As Professors we will be here to preside over the class and take questions from you as you review; however, there will be no new material. As we here at Hogwarts do every year, each one of you will be assigned a review partner. This will be the person whom you will study with inside and outside of class. We have found that in preparation for the tests, two minds are truly better than one. In order to form partnerships where both people will benefit the group equally, your partner has already been pre-selected based on the compatibility of the knowledge you have thus far acquired." She paused to let the groans die down of those who had wished to chose their partners before continuing, "If there is no further comments the partners are as follows:

Mr. Thomas & Ms. Brown…Mr. Weasley & Ms. Patil…

As the list continued Harry's mind began to wonder. The lack of sleep had completely taken away his focus. He would definitely go straight to his room after classes were done for the day. Harry snapped out of his musings when he heard his name called.

"and the final group Mr. Potter & Ms. Granger."

"What!" shouted a male voice that was undoubtedly Ron.

"You heard me Mr. Weasley," scolded Professor McGonagall, "Perhaps if you had studied a little harder you could have been Ms. Granger's partner." Ron instantly reddened and fell silent. Professor McGonagall continued, "Now, would everyone find their partner and begin studying. Please cast a silencing charm around your two desks to block the sound in respect to your neighbors."

Harry continued to sit at his desk as others around him began to move. He watched as Hermione remained seated as well. Seeing that he would have to be the one to make the first move, he sighed and got up from his seat. Of course, he would be partnered with Hermione. The only thing that could make his life more complicated. As he walked toward Hermione, his gaze caught Ron's, who was already seated with his partner. Harry now understood the saying 'If looks could kill.' He could read the warnings blazing in his eyes. He definitely needed to talk to Ron at some point.

Turning his attention back to Hermione, he saw that she still had yet to move or say anything. Finally reaching her desk, he waited for her to acknowledge him. When she continued staring down at her desk, he quietly asked, "Do you mind if I take this seat?" motioning to the desk next to her.

Still looking down she quietly replied, "I suppose I have no choice."

Slightly disheartened by her comment, he pulled the desk over to hers. After their conversation last night there was so much that he wanted to say, but it was apparent now was not the time. She'd probably just ignore him or find an excuse to leave the room. For now he decided to stick to the safer topic of Transfigurations. Casting a silencing charm around them, he opened his book, "How about we start with Inanimate Transformations? I hear it's a popular topic for the essay portion."

Hermione didn't answer, but simply opened her book to the correct page and began reading. Sighing Harry followed her lead. After ten minutes of rereading the beginning sentence over and over again Harry had had enough. "You know you can't ignore me for the next three weeks. I'm not stupid, I know you've been rereading the first sentence like I have for the past ten minutes. Your page hasn't turned once. You might as well start talking to me now, so we can get some real work done," remarked Harry.

Slamming her book shut Hermione met his gaze, "Fine then. Here's a topic I'd like to discuss. What happened to your eye? It wasn't like that when I left last night."

Not wanting to reveal anything he simply commented, "You're a smart girl. I'm sure you already have an idea."

"Well judging by the look Ron gave you when you first arrived, the question of who hit you is no real mystery; however, my real question is why. Why did Ron hit you? You didn't tell him about…you know…anything involving us?" she questioned, almost looking fearful.

'Oh not really, just that I'm in love with you, but really no big deal,' Harry mused.

"Harry," said Hermione, breaking him out of his daze, "Are you going to answer my question?"

"Of course I didn't tell him," Harry replied. "We just got in an argument over… Quiddticth. You know some technical issues that's all. It just got out of hand."

"He hit you over Quidditch," question Hermione. He could tell she was not believing this. "You have got to be kidding me. That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

Turning the tables Harry replied, "It's true. You be surprised at what can happen when two people care so passionately about the same thing." Smiling to himself, he could tell that from the way she was blushing, she was trying to determine how to respond. Harry knew it was a comment he shouldn't have made, but he simply couldn't help himself.

After several seconds she responded, "Well… I see that you came out on the losing end. Ron isn't so much as scratched"

"Maybe, I didn't fight back," replied Harry knowing he was stepping into dangerous territory.

That caused Hermione to smile, which pleased him, "Now I know that is a lie. When does Harry Potter not fight back? It's a part of who he is."

Harry suddenly turned serious, the image of Ron and Hermione kissing at the altar playing over and over in his head, "When he knows he has already lost." Obviously that was not the answer she was expecting, it was so unlike him to give up.

"What have you already lost?" questioned Hermione looking intently into his eyes.

Before he could stop himself he answered, "You." He saw Hermione's eyes widen. Quickly realizing his slip he added, "I mean your friendship."

He waited for her reaction, hoping he hadn't given himself away. He watched her eyes as they stormed through an array of emotions. He could almost swear he saw a hint of regret flicker by. Suddenly her body tensed up and her eyes hardened, and Harry realized she was back in defense mode, "We've already had this discussion Harry. Don't make me tell you again."

"Alright, alright," replied Harry, aware that he would get no where on this topic today, "I guess being friends again is a little too much to hope for, at least for right now. However, I do have a request. Can we at least be civil towards each other like must classmates are? NEWTS are in three weeks and if we are fighting and not studying, we'll get no where. I know we can make a great team and really help each other." He paused gauging her reaction. "So, what do you say?"

She still looked unsure. "Come on Hermione," pressed Harry, "for the sake of NEWTS."

Harry knew that would push her over the edge. She had waited seven years for these test, and even she would not hold on to this quarrel if it would effect her performance. Seeing her slowly break, he was not surprised when he heard her answer, "Fine, but only until NEWTS are over." And with that Professor McGonagall announced that the class was dismissed and Hermione promptly left the room.

Harry smiled to himself. He had just bought himself three weeks to earn back her friendship. Sure it would be hard to suppress his true feelings, but he knew for Hermione's sake he could do anything.

It had been nearly three weeks, NEWTS was two days away, and Harry had experienced rather slow progress on the Hermione front. It seemed that for every step forward he made she would push him two steps back. She simply wouldn't let her guard down with him. Anytime he would make her laugh or smile, she seemed to realize that she shouldn't be and would quickly take up once again her stern demeanor. It was like every time she caught herself actually enjoying his company, she would shell up for the remainder of their time together. Harry would have been completely disheartened if it hadn't been for the fact that her momentary lapses were becoming more frequent. Sure they were fleeting when they occurred, but the more they happened the more he began to recognize his friend beginning to emerge. The girl he had laughed and talked openly with earlier in the year. The girl he'd taken flying and dancing. The girl he had fallen in love with.

Of course nothing had changed on that front. He still held his love silently within his heart. Love was truly a blessing from God, but it also could inflict pain. Harry knew that revealing his love would only hurt the people he cared most about. Although he and Ron had yet to talk, Harry knew through subtle signs that they would be all right. He no longer threw menacing glances his way or shoved Harry 'accidentally' with his shoulder when they passed each other. Now there was simply silence between them, but that silence spoke volumes. It was meant to let Harry dwell upon what Ron had said. That Ron was with Hermione, that he would be asking her to marry him. It was something Harry dwelled upon every second of the day and night.

No matter how hard he tried there were times when he just couldn't stop looking at her. She could just be reading a book or writing on a piece of parchment, and he would be transfixed. No matter how hard he tried day after day after day he would fall more and more in love with her. He didn't know how he could live his life without her. He had only kissed her once, yet he knew that he would never love anyone else the way he loved her.

Tonight as the studied together in their common room he found himself once again transfixed upon her face. Even tired, she was beautiful.

Suddenly without so much as looking up from reading her notes she spoke, "What do you see when you look at me like that?" Harry was speechless from her sudden comment. Looking up when he didn't answer she continued, "You think I haven't seen you these past three weeks, staring at me for minutes at a time. I don't even have to look up to feel your gaze. It's so intense; it's like you are looking at more than just me. So tell me. What do you see when you look at me like that?" Her voice softened as she spoke the question again.

He looked in her eyes, and for the first time in weeks they weren't cold or distant. They were genuine and caring. They were almost hopeful. They were eyes that wanted the truth. Harry ran through so many answers in his mind, 'I see the woman I love… I see the love of my life… I see the one person I can never be with'

Softly he replied honestly from his heart, "I see a desirable woman any man would be lucky to have." He spoke it honestly for he truly meant it.

Hermione blushed only slightly before responding, "And when I look at you, I see a man so driven by duty and loyalty that he refuses to go after what he wants." She spoke unwaveringly almost resentfully, her eyes never leaving his.

For Harry it was like a slap in the face. "You don't know what you're talking about," he replied stiffly.

"Don't I?" she responded her voice rising slightly, "All you know in life is sacrifice. Beginning with your mother and ending with m…" she slightly faltered "your own happiness." She softened her voice; "You don't have to sacrifice anymore, Harry."

He'd have given anything to tell her right then and there that he loved her that all he wanted in life was to spend the rest of his life with her. However, he knew he couldn't, and it angered him. He just couldn't let go. Instead he just turned the tables on her, "What about you? If you want to be all sanctimonious about sacrifice start with yourself. You've given up seven years of friendship with me for Ron."

"Harry you know I'm doing this for all of us, so we can…" started Hermione.

However Harry interrupted his anger flaring, "No, you're doing this for yourself. You are doing it because you're too scared. Because you're too scared to face what you truly want, that you might want something different." He watched as her eyes widened before continuing, "Regardless if I can have it are not at least I know what I want."

Ending his speech, he waited for her retort that he was sure would come. His blood was racing through his veins. He knew he had become over emotional, but he couldn't help it. He was tired of holding everything in.

As he watched her, he was surprised to see that there was no anger in her eyes. She didn't look as if she was planning a retort. He saw her open and close her mouth several times as if figuring out exactly what to say. Finally meeting his gaze she asked, "And what is it that you want Harry?"

"I want a lot of things," replied Harry his voice soft but cold.

Her voice trembled as she pressed him, "What is it that you want most?"

Harry's heart wrenched as he was given the perfect opening to say what was on his heart, but he was sick of this dance. They were never on the same page at the same time, and he was tired of it. Vaguely he heard Hermione repeat the question. He smiled as he remembered one of her answers to a certain question of his. Looking up, he firmly held her gaze and replied, "That is not a question you get to ask." And he swiftly turned around and barricaded himself in his room ignoring the wounded look upon Hermione's face as he left.

Harry slept fitfully that night replaying everything that had happened in his head. He knew he had let his anger get the best of him and really for no good reason. He was frustrated with the hand life dealt him. Hermione was wrong. It wasn't his choice to sacrifice his happiness it was what life had called upon him to do. She acted like he actually had a choice. Throughout the day Harry had tried to maintain his anger, but found that he could not. Every time he saw her across the room or heard her name he felt his rage slowly dissipate. He could tell she hadn't slept well that night either, the bags underneath her eyes said it all. He could also tell that she was feeling miserable about last night just like him. She was listless not participating in conversation and only offering a weak smile as Ron tried to cheer her up. Most people chalked Hermione's mood up to anxiety over the NEWTS, which were the next day, but Harry knew different. He knew she had been watching him the whole day hoping to get him alone, but Harry had not given her the opportunity. He arrived in class just as the bell rang and left immediately once class ended, and he ate all his meals in his room. He spent the whole day debating with himself about whether he would meet Hermione in their common room for their final study session. He didn't know if he had the inner strength too.

Currently it was five minutes past the time when they normally met, and he was still sitting in his room. He knew she was out there; he could just feel it. Sighing to himself, he took what appeared to be a thick leather bound book from his bedside and walked out of his room.

Hermione immediately looked up when his door opened, and brown eyes met green as he took a few hesitant steps towards her. Breaking the silence she said, "I didn't think you'd show up."

"Neither did I," replied Harry standing next to their worktable.

"Well, I'm glad you did," responded Hermione softly, and he could see from her eyes that she meant it. When he didn't respond she continued, "If you sit down we can go over some final topics and maybe get some quick review on…"

However Harry quickly interrupted her, "I didn't come out here to study Hermione. There is no need to pretend that you won't go in tomorrow and ace all of the tests. I came out here because there is something that I need you to understand. Something I need to show you"

She looked confused, but looked wary to say anything. Sitting down next to her he placed the book ha had taken from his room in front of her. It was the photo album Hagrid had given him in First Year. "I know you've seen some of this a very long time ago, but I think you needed to see it again." Flipping past the pictures of his parents, he turned to a page containing a picture of the young Golden Trio no more than twelve years old. They watched together as the young Harry threw his arms around the young Hermione and Ron. They were all smiling and laughing waving up at them from the page. Turning his face towards Hermione he watched her smile at the photo. "You know, you and Ron were the first friends I ever had. That was one of the happiest times of my life, when I finally after eleven years knew what friendship truly was." After a moment he turned the page and he was met with an array of pictures of the three of them slightly older maybe Third Year. He watched as Hermione's eyes scanned the pictures then stopped at the one on the bottom right. Following her gaze he saw a picture of just the two of them standing next to Buckbeak. It must have been after one of Hagrid's classes. He could see himself joking around with Hermione trying to convince her to take a ride on the Hippogriff. He watched as she backed away from him, but her eyes were smiling. "Who would have thought we would be saving his life a few months later," commented Harry. Hermione nodded, but still kept her eyes on the page. Waiting a few seconds he turned the page and was met with the vision of Hermione descending the staircase of the Great Hall in periwinkle dress robes. It was the Yule Ball. Looking on the bottom right of the picture, he saw his younger self gazing up in awe at her. He saw Hermione's eyes begin to glisten as she looked at the picture. Leaning close to her he whispered, "When I saw you come down those stairs, you took my breath away." At those words Hermione turned to face Harry. Their faces were inches apart. Her eyes bore into his soul.

Knowing he shouldn't be looking at her like that, he turned away. He felt Hermione turn her head back toward the album. Sighing to himself he continued to turn the pages. All the moments of their years together had been captured, and the quickly got lost in them. Finally on the came to the last photo, they were met with a smiling picture of him and her in their school robes and Head Boy and Girl badges. Turning towards Hermione, he saw her lift he hand and lightly touch the photograph.

"Hermione," he said softly, "I wanted you to see this because I wanted you to see how much a part of me you have become these past seven years. You… and Ron mean everything to me. You are my family, and you have seen me through everything in my life. I can't tell you how hard it has been for me to watch you pull away." He silently watched Hermione blink back tears, "So, to answer your question from last night. What I want the most… is to never lose you." His voice began to crack with emotions as he said the last words, and he turned away to hide the tears forming in his own eyes.

Suddenly he felt Hermione grab his hand. He turned around slowly and met her gaze. In a shaky voice she replied, "You've always had me, Harry." Harry's eyes widened and his heart began to beat faster and faster. "What I mean is no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop caring about you. I couldn't stop being your friend." Harry's heart fell slightly, but he continued to listen. "I'm sorry I gave up. I've just been so confused this year. I mean Ron is a good man. He loves me; he makes me laugh. But you… you. I don't know it's just so complicated."

Harry's heart fell at her words, and he knew what he had to do, "Then let me simplify it for you. Like you said Ron does love you, and you are his girlfriend. You care about him very much, I can tell. It is as simple as that. Don't question yourself." He paused momentarily knowing his next words would put a knife through his own heart, "As for you and me, some people are just destined to be friends." He looked away when he said that, knowing the look in his eyes would give away his heart ache.

He heard her silently walk over to him, and he was caught by surprise as she kissed him on the cheek. He felt her lips linger there for almost a second too long, and he held the moment close to his heart. When she stopped he heard her whisper, "You'll never lose me again Harry. I promise you that. I will always be in your life." With only the strength to nod his head, he watched her walk away toward her room; however she paused at the door. Turning around she asked, "Harry , what if I hadn't of been Ron's girlfriend when we kissed on the train?" When he hesitated she smiled, "Let me guess, that's not a question I get to ask."

Harry smiled as well. "No," he replied quietly, "I was just going to say If you hadn't of been Ron's girlfriend I definitely would have kissed you again"

"That's what I thought," Hermione replied and she gave him a small smile before finally entering her room.

Harry however, collapsed on the couch. He had gotten what he wanted. His friendship with Hermione back. But suddenly, as deep down he always knew, it wasn't enough.


	9. Chapter 9

Here's a new chapter. A big thank you to all of you who reviewed. I love the feedback, so keep them coming. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 9

The morning of NEWTS Harry woke up nervous. His body was tense with anxiety; however, it wasn't about the exams. All night he couldn't help but panic that Hermione would change her mind, that she'd decided not to be his friend again. Hesitantly he got dressed and exited his room. Seeing that Hermione's door was open and her room empty, he figured she'd already gone down to breakfast. 'Maybe she got up early and left to avoid me,' panicked Harry. Quickly he left the room and nearly sprinted towards the Great Hall. When he reached the large oak doors, he scanned the Gryffindor table looking for her. He quickly spotted her sitting next to Ron at the far end of the table her review notes all around her quickly reading over them. As if she could sense him watching her she looked up and towards the entrance at him Harry froze trying not to expect the worst. However, when Hermione smiled and waved him over towards her, he sighed in relief. Everything was all right. Making his way towards her, he had nearly forgotten about Ron sitting next to her, but Ron's icy blue eyes quickly reminded him. Only faltering slightly at the look he'd been given, Harry confidently sat down across the table from him and Hermione.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ron asked stiffly. His eyes shooting daggers at Harry.

"Well," replied Harry calmly, "I thought I'd have breakfast with my two best friends. I haven't done that in a while and… I rather missed it."

Ron looked ready to say something, but Hermione place her hand on top of Ron's and responded instead, "_We_ missed it too, Harry." Continuing to hold his hand, she gave Ron a pointed look which seemed to say, 'Not today. Not right now. Please do this for me." It seemed to pacify Ron who gave her a soft smile and returned his attention back to his breakfast.

Hermione gave Harry a smile as well before returning to her notes. Harry tried to focus on the exams that were to come that day, but found that the only thing his mind could dwell upon was the wish that Hermione was holding his hand instead of Ron's.

Harry was casually checking over his work when the timer rang indicating the test was over. It was the last test he'd ever take at Hogwarts. As all the exams were summoned to the examiner, the Seventh Years began cheering and hugging each other. Harry received a few pats on the back as he got up from his seat and a bone crushing hug from a girl he had never seen before.

Looking around he couldn't find Ron or Hermione anywhere amongst the crowd. Longing to get away from the throng of people he exited the Great Hall, which had been transformed into a testing room, and walked outside towards the lake.

As he walked around the lake he saw the sun sinking into the horizon indicating that the day was almost through. Harry paused at the edge watched the giant squid gracefully swim just underneath the surface. He couldn't believe it had been seven years since he had crossed first crossed this lake. So much had changed. He'd found friends and lost friends too; Dumbledore, Sirius, Hagrid, Neville, Ginny, and so many more. He'd nearly died more times than he cared to count, yet he'd always come through. He'd found a home here. He'd found love here. He sighed, his life would never be the same because of this place.

Suddenly Harry was interrupted from his reverie by the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind. Turning around he was surprised to find Ron walking towards him. Not saying anything Ron simple walked to a spot beside him and began staring out at the lake like Harry had been doing before. For several minutes neither said anything. They simple watched the landscape before them each appearing deep in thought. Silently they watched the Giant Squid with a final splash descend to the black depths of the lake. As if that was the cue he had been waiting for Ron finally spoke.

"I'm sorry for hitting you Harry," said Ron barely above a whisper.

Waiting to see if Ron would say anything else Harry hesitated before replying, "It's not like I didn't deserve it. I'm pretty sure I would have done the same thing or worse if I were you." He saw Ron crack a smile at his comment.

They stood there in silence for a few more seconds before Ron spoke again, "Are you really in love with her Harry?" At this Harry turned to look at him. He could tell when he looked into Ron's eyes that he was hoping Harry would tell him no. Harry wished he could tell him no too; it would make his life a lot simpler. However, he was through lying to himself. 'You can't help who you fall in love with,' thought Harry.

Holding Ron's gaze he answered, "Yes, Ron. I'm in love with her." He said it simply and honestly, and he could tell Ron believed him.

Ron sighed and looked out at the horizon, "I guess I can't really blame you. I fell in love with her too. I couldn't help it, lord knows I tried." He paused remembering his younger years antagonizing her constantly. "She's the best of us. She's beautiful, intelligent, caring, strong… She's everything a guy could want."

"I know Ron. I know," replied Harry. As he listened to Ron, he realized that neither of them could live without her, but one of them would have to. And it pained him to know that it would have to be him.

"You know," said Ron, "You, me… heck even Krum. Over the years we all claimed to be her friends, but really from the moment we met her we all fell a little bit in love with her. It always had to lead to this." He spoke the last part softly.

Harry slapped a hand onto Ron's shoulder, "I'm sorry it led to this Ron, but I'm not sorry about my love for her."

Ron seemed slightly antagonized at Harry's words and replied stiffly, "I still plan on asking to marry her Harry. Graduation is two days away; I won't have you interfering."

Harry looked at his friend who saw him as 'The-Boy-Who-Lived's', always in the shadows of his best friend. From school, to Quidditch, to wealth, to fame Harry had always come out on top whether he could help it or not. 'He thinks I'm going to take Hermione from him,' thought Harry bitterly. 'He doesn't realize he already has her. That he already has the one thing I ever truly wanted in life. You've already won Ron, and you don't even know it.'

Casting aside his bitter thoughts he answered, "I love Hermione with all my heart Ron, and that love will never go away." Ron made a movement to respond, but Harry held up his hand in order to continue, "But, I want her to be happy, and I know you can make her happy Ron. You've already made her happy." It broke Harry's heart to say the next part, but he knew it had to be said, "You have been my best mate since day 1 Ron, and there is no one else I'd have be with Hermione than you. All Hermione and I will ever be is friends. She chose you; therefore, I will not get in the way of y'all's happiness together," Harry looked away as he spoke afraid Ron would see the sadness revealed in his eyes.

"Thanks mate," replied Ron genuinely, "that means a lot." Harry nodded fearing his voice would crack with anguish if he tried to respond. "So are we cool?" asked Ron extending his hand towards Harry.

Harry turned slowly and put his hand in Ron's, "Yeah, mate we're good."

Releasing hands, they stood in silence neither quite sure what to say. After a few awkward moments Ron broke the silence, "So, you nervous about tomorrow?"

Harry looked at Ron confusion evident on his face, "No, what so special about tomorrow."

Ron looked stunned, "We have our Profession meetings tomorrow with McGonagall. Where we go over our job offers and such. Don't you remember? Hogwarts submits an evaluation to all the Wizarding Employment Agencies, and tomorrow is when we get to see our offers. Offers have been pouring in for weeks, but since Seventh Years are so pressured by NEWTS the school withholds them until after the exams."

"Oh, I remember," replied Harry, "It just slipped my mind with NEWTS and all." Truly Harry had forgotten, and it wasn't because of NEWTS. Hermione had capitalized his thoughts the past few weeks, and everything else had taken a back seat. Now thinking about it he was rather nervous. Not because of the quality of offers he'd get. He was sure, he thought resentfully, as the Great Harry Potter every wizarding organization in England would be after him. Rather, he was nervous because he wasn't sure what to do with his life anymore. Sure it was easy in Fifth Year with the ever-present threat of Voldemort to fancy himself an Auror, but now living life after Voldemort he wasn't sure he wanted that anymore. Frankly he wasn't sure what he wanted. 'Besides Hermione,' thought Harry sadly.

"So, you nervous?" asked Ron again drawing Harry away from his thoughts.

"Of course not mate. It's only a decision that affects the rest of our lives. No worries here," joked Harry.

Ron laughed, "Let's go inside. I told Hermione I was coming out to talk with you an hour ago. She probably thinks we've killed each other by now."

With that Harry and Ron walked back into the castle.

When Harry and Ron walked through the portrait into the Head's common room, they found Hermione franticly pacing in front of the fire. When she finally noticed them her eyes grew wide, and she ran over and threw her arms around both of their necks.

"Hermione…" choked Ron, "Not that I don't appreciate this very enthusiastic welcome, but would you please let go before you strangle us."

Embarrassed Hermione quickly backed off, "So, is everything all right?"

Ron and Harry looked sternly at one another for a few seconds before breaking into twin grins. "Yeah, we're cool," replied Harry.

The rest of the night Harry, Ron, and Hermione talked and laughed around the fire. It was the happiest Harry had been in a longtime. They talked about everything. Past adventures, the crazy defense teachers, Dumbledore, and careers. Harry could almost pretend it was like old times except for the fact that Ron had his arm draped around Hermione's shoulders.

The next day Harry woke up rather anxious. His Profession meeting with McGonagall was at 10:30 right after Hermione's meeting. Getting dressed he walked into the common room to find Hermione for the second time in less then 24 hours pacing in front of the fireplace.

Harry stifled a laugh; she had yet to notice him. "Nervous?" he asked causing Hermione to jump.

Recovering she responded as calmly as possible, "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"My mistake," replied Harry. "Of course the great Hermione Granger wouldn't be nervous about her entire future being decided in about… fifteen minutes," he said smiling and looking down at his watch.

Hermione then smiled too, "All right, you've got me. But can you blame me. This is serious. It's everything I've worked for these past seven years. It effects the rest of my life. How can you ever be sure you made the right decision?"

Harry smiled at her. She was certainly a force to be reckoned with, but her vulnerable side always got to him. "You can't. All you can do is hope that what you decided will make you happy. That at the end of your life you can look back on it and know with out a doubt that you would make that choice again. Just follow your heart Hermione; it won't lead you astray."

"What a philosopher you are Harry Potter," she replied jokingly.

"I try," he quipped back.

"I just hope you follow your own advice," she said softly. "You more than anyone deserve some happiness."

'If only I could follow my heart,' thought Harry.

When Harry didn't reply Hermione looked at her watch, "Well, I guess I better head to McGonagall office. Don't want to be late."

"Oh yeah, you better get going. Good luck, I know everything will work out for you," replied Harry, and unable to control himself he walked over and gave her a gentle hug. He felt her sink into it, before she pushed away slightly.

"Thanks Harry," she replied, and then she was gone.

Thirty minutes later, Harry found himself anxiously waiting outside McGonagall's office. Hermione had yet to come out, which made Harry even more nervous. Suddenly he heard the door bang open next to him, and an excited Hermione emerge. She seemed in a blissful daze, and it took Harry several tries to get her attention.

When he finally did he asked, "So, how did it go?"

"Oh my God Harry it was…" she started, but she was interrupted by McGonagall's voice calling Harry into her office.

"I'll tell you later," said Hermione as he felt her push him into the office.

Upon entering, he heard the door shut automatically behind them. The figure of Professor McGonagall loomed menacingly over her wooden desk. "Please have a seat Mr. Potter," she commented stiffly. Harry was about to die of anxiety when he saw McGonagall crack a smile. "First of all Harry, I would like to congratulate you on all of your accomplishments these past seven years both in and out of Hogwarts. You are a student a teacher is proud to have had under her." Seeing Harry relax she continued, "With that said, I'm sure you are anxious to hear about your offers. I remind you, I'm here to go over these proposals with you and advise you if you seek counsel." Harry nodded preparing himself. "Good. Let us begin. You should know, that since the opening of Hogwarts, nobody has received anywhere close to the amount of offers as you have. We had to hire another house elf to sort through all of your mail. First off, you should know that ever Quidditch team in Europe has asked you to come on as their first-string seeker." Harry could physically feel his jaw drop; he couldn't believe that every Quidditch team in Europe wanted him. "Now Mr. Potter. I know about young men and the allure of Quidditch, but please listen to the rest of your offers before jumping instantly in that direction. You have also been asked to join some of the Ministry's top departments such as the Defense, Sports & Games, International Affairs, Mystery, and Public Relations Department."

Harry furrowed his brow at this. With all his 'incidents' with the ministry he wasn't sure if that is the right place for him. He turned to McGonagall, "I'm extremely flattered by the Ministry's offers, but I'm not sure if…"

McGonagall smiling slightly cut him off, "No need to explain Mr. Potter. I always hoped you'd have higher aspirations then the Ministry. You're meant for greater things. Well, that takes care of a lot of things. Let us move on, shall we?" Harry nodded. "I'm pleased to say that you have been accepted into the Auror Training Program. I knew my faith in you was well placed in your Fifth Year. You should be very pleased."

"Thank you Professor," replied Harry. Of course he was happy with his acceptance, but once again like on the lake with Ron, he was unsure if that was what he wanted anymore.

"Undoubtedly, you will be an excellent addition to this elite group," replied McGonagall. However she had been watching him and couldn't help but add, "Of course that is if to become an Auror is still your desire."

He smiled McGonagall's perceptiveness reminding him of Dumbledore. "It's something I thought was always expected of me. Undoubtedly, it be an incredibly exciting and rewarding life, but…I don't know if I want to spend my whole life fighting," Harry replied, his voice trailing off slightly.

McGonagall looked upon him with sadness in her eyes, "I can't blame you. You have already given much to the Wizarding World; we have no right to ask for anything more."

"Thank you for understanding Professor," replied Harry, truly grateful. "Are there any other offers I should be aware of?"

She paused for a minute before answering, "Yes, just one more. As Headmistress of Hogwarts I would like to offer you the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher beginning this fall."

"Are you kidding me?" Harry blurted out.

"I assure you I'm not," replied McGonagall slightly offended.

Still unbelieving Harry pressed, "But I'll have just graduated. Normally Professors are a ton…" he paused looking at McGonagall's face "I mean a tad bit older."

"True Mr. Potter,' replied Professor McGonagall, "in fact you are only the second student in Hogwarts history that has been asked to be a Professor straight out of school. However, I wouldn't be offering you the job if I didn't feel you were highly qualified for it."

"I'm truly honored," replied Harry, "but I will need to think about it."

"That is understandable," commented McGonagall. "I must say you have a difficult decision before you. All are wonderful choices. I wish you the best of luck as you decide. You are free to go Mr. Potter."

"Thank you Professor," said Harry and he exited the room.

As he walked back to his room he couldn't believe it. They were asking him to teach at Hogwarts. He'd never even dreamed that something like this would happen. It was absolutely wonderful; however, it simply made things even more complicated. Seeker, Auror, or Teaching. What the heck was he suppose to do? He could see himself doing all of them.

Still pondering his options he opened the portrait to the Heads Dormitory and was met by an eager Ron and Hermione.

"So," asked Ron, "What are your options?"

Before Harry could open his mouth to answer Ron continued in a rush, "I got offered to be the reserve keeper for the Chudley Canons. Can you believe it? Sure I got a few ministry offers, but who cares when I got offered my dream job!" Harry opened his mouth to congratulate him, but he quickly closed it when Ron continued to speak, "And Hermione. You won't believe what she got offered." Harry looked over at Hermione and saw that she was obviously annoyed that Ron was speaking for her; however, Ron apparently didn't noticed and continued anyway, "She's been offered the position of Junior Minister of Domestic and International Law. It's unbelievable. Dad says it takes ten years to be even considered for Junior Minister. She'd be crazy not to take it."

Harry turned his attention to Hermione who was slightly red in the face, "Congratulations, I told you things would work out for you."

"It's just an option. I'm not sure if I'm going to accept yet," replied Hermione softly looking at the ground.

"Of course you will," interjected Ron throwing his arm around her. "It's probably the best job anyone in our year has been offered." When Hermione didn't reply Ron turned his attention to Harry, "So mate, who's after the great Harry Potter? Did you get into the Auror Program?"

"I did," replied Harry still looking at Hermione. At this Hermione quickly looked up from the floor at Harry.

"That's wonderful," said Hermione with genuineness.

"Bloody brilliant," said Ron.

"Yeah," said Harry sitting down on the couch, "though I'm not sure if I'm going to take it."

"What!" shouted Ron, "but you've wanted that since Fifth Year."

"I know, but some other options came up too. I'm just going to have to think about it," said Harry.

"Y'all are both mental," said Ron jokingly. "I'm going down to the kitchens for a late breakfast. You want anything."

Harry and Hermione both declined, and after giving a quick kiss to Hermione he hurried out the door.

Once alone Hermione spoke, "I'm very proud of you for getting into the Auror program; you've worked hard it is about time it paid off. However, I can understand your hesitation. It's a big commitment to become an Auror. What are these other options you mentioned?"

Harry paused before answering, "Well… about every Quidditch team on the continent and well…you know a few other things." For some reason Harry didn't want to tell her about the teaching position until he decided what to do.

"Wow!" exclaimed Hermione. "That's wonderful. Congratulations. I can see why you are struggling."

'If only you knew the whole of it,' thought Harry. "But what about you," spoke Harry out loud. "What's holding you back from Junior Minister of Domestic and International Law? It's absolutely perfect for you. It's the perfect way to make a difference in the world. You can even take SPEW to new heights."

"I know; it's great," said Hermione unconvincingly "Exactly what I've always wanted."

"Then what's wrong?" asked Harry concerned. "Come on. You can tell me anything."

Sitting down next to Harry she sighed, "I don't know. It truly is what I've always wanted. Heck, McGonagall even told me I could become the youngest Minister of Magic ever elected, imagine that. It's just…" She paused as if carefully choosing her next words and then said, "I've finally have got something I've always wanted, and it's great, but… now that I've got it something else comes along something I never expected, or that was always there but I never noticed. And now I'm just questioning myself. I just don't know if what I finally have was what I truly wanted in the first place. I'm just not sure of myself anymore, and I've always been sure." She paused from her rant and looked deep into Harry's eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Harry gathering himself and answered as best he could, "I trust you more than anyone else in the world Hermione, but you need to trust yourself. I think you already know what you want. Deep down we all really do. You just need to let your heart reveal it to you, and when it does, you can't be afraid to go after it."

"Thanks Harry," said Hermione placing her head on his shoulder. "You always know what to say." However, Harry detected a hint of disappointment in her gaze, which surprised him. Did he miss something?

"For what it's worth," said Harry, "I think you'll make a great Junior Minister or whatever else you decide."

Looking up at him from his shoulder she replied softly, "Thank you Harry, that means a lot."

Now sitting in silence Harry sat contently with Hermione against him; he didn't think it was possible to fall even more in love with her, but somehow he did everyday. After a few minutes Hermione broke the silence "So, do you have your speech written yet for graduation tomorrow."

Harry tried to disguise a wince; he'd completely forgotten. Lying he replied cheerily, "Yeah, it's great."

"Good, cause I'll be a tough act to follow," joked Hermione poking him in the stomach.

Suddenly the portrait began to creak open and Hermione immediately pushed herself away from him. He didn't know why she was so jumpy, it wasn't like anything was going on much to his unhappiness. However, it was a good idea since the next thing they saw was flaming red hair and the lanky figure of Ronald Weasley.

"Hey they've got a party going in the Gryffindor Common room. Y'all want to come?" asked Ron immediately upon entering.

Before Harry could answer Hermione responded leaping from the couch, "I'd love to come, but we'll have to leave poor Harry. He's got a speech to write." With a quick wink at Harry, she grabbed Ron's arm and they left.

'That woman knows me too well,' thought Harry, 'Well, maybe not that well if she can't tell I'm hopelessly in love with her.' With that final thought Harry left to got to his room in search of inspiration for his speech.

"…Congratulations my fellow classmates. May you all go forth from this place and lead the lives you've always dreamed of. Thank you." And with those parting words Hermione concluded her commencement speech, and indeed it would be a hard act to follow.

As Hermione began to walk off stage Harry felt his feet begin to carry him forward. As they passed, he paused in front of Hermione who gave him a reassuring smile and a gentle squeeze on the arm. He wanted to tell her great job, but found he couldn't get the words out before she passed. Trying to display an air of confidence a walked assuredly to the podium and set his speech upon it. Before he began he looked around at the audience in front of him. Family and friends and come from all over, dignitaries of the magical world were all in attendance, and of course the professors and School Board sat behind him. Looking to the front row were he had been seated he saw Ron and Hermione. He smiled as he saw Ron joking around with the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain seated to the side of him. Ron had had never changed these past seven years, and he hoped he never would. He was his first and best mate, and he knew Hogwarts would never have been the same without him. Next he turned his attention to Hermione who, unlike Ron had her whole attention upon him. She smiled up at him. Whether he was right or wrong, she always stood by him, and he would never forget that. It was one of the reasons he loved her so much. As he looked in her eyes he saw exactly where his heart longed to be. If only things were different.

Realizing that he had spent to long reminiscing, he turned back to his speech, but not before giving Hermione a small wink. Looking down at his paper, he saw the speech he had struggled so long on last night. Somehow all these words were no longer what he wanted to say. Shoving his papers aside he looked out upon the audience and began:

"I spent a longtime last night writing a speech for this occasion, and I would love for you to hear it for I spent an awfully longtime on it. However, it will have to be saved for another day, because instead I would like to speak to you from my heart, for to me that is what Hogwarts truly is…the heart of the wizarding world. Some might say that Hogwarts is merely an institution meant to fill young minds with books and cleverness. However…" Harry paused looking straight at Hermione, "a very dear friend of mine once said 'books and cleverness, there are more important things like friendship and bravery' and with these words I would have to agree. I stand here today filled with courage, friendship, and love" His gaze flicked across Hermione's face. "because of Hogwarts. That is the true magic of this place, greater than any spell that has ever been taught within these walls. Hogwarts is the only home I have ever known, and I know many of you may feel that same way. However, my hope for you is that when you leave this place you will lead your lives with courage pursuing all your dreams in life. Second, that you have formed the kind of friendships that are truly forever. I have two very special friends who throughout these past seven years have time and again risked their lives.." He paused to laugh, "or worse as one of them might say expulsion for me. They nearly sacrificed everything for me. Right now I just want them to know that I owe you everything and would give everything up for you to make you both happy." He tried not to look directly at Ron and Hermione knowing he would break down. "I hope that all of you have that kind of friendships to take with you from Hogwarts, for it is the people and the relationships that are formed within these walls that make this place what it is. Lastly I hope you live a life of love and hope. About a year ago, a man tried to condemn us to a life without hope, a world built on hate. Thanks to many of you we don't have to live in that world. All I ask is that you go out into the world and live a life of love, for that is truly the greatest gift you can give or receive. It is what makes life worth living. Don't get me wrong, you might get your heart broken a time or two, but a life without love is a life unlived. Love has saved my life more times than I can count. Only love is more powerful than magic, so if you find it, don't let it slip away." Harry paused and couldn't help but look at Hermione who seemed transfixed upon him. Looking around, he saw that everyone was entranced. "All I have left to say is that Hogwarts has given me everything in life, and that is why I have decided to remain here as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor as long as Professor McGonagall will have me." For a few seconds it was like the whole world stood still, not a sound could be heard. Harry looked anxiously out onto the crowd. Finally he heard a single person begin to clap and looking down on the front row he saw Hermione up on her feet, fighting back tears but nonetheless with a radiant smile on her face. It didn't take long for the entire crowd to follow, for soon everyone was on their feet cheering. Smiling Harry concluded, "It has been my honor to be your fellow classmate. My best to you all."

And with those parting words Harry walked off the stage with thunderous applause. Finally reaching his seat beside Hermione the cheers had yet to die down. As he motioned to sit down he felt Hermione grab his arm and lean close to him so he could hear her, "I didn't think it was possible."

"That what was possible?" Harry asked over the cheering.

Leaning closer so just he could here she said, "That you could make the whole world fall even more in love with you."

Before he could respond, he felt her press her lips softly to his cheek before starting to cheer again with the rest of the crowd. It took Professor McGonagall several minutes to settle everyone down. Once she had she said quite simply with a smile on her face, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you this years Hogwarts graduating class!" And with those words cheers erupted again. Harry stood as everyone around him was hugging and slapping each other on the back. Smiling, he turned toward Hermione and Ron; however he wasn't prepared for the sight he saw, for there was Ron and Hermione locked in a celebratory kiss.

He thought back to what Hermione said about the whole world falling in love with him. 'Maybe not the whole world,' he thought sadly gazing at her. Still locked in an embrace, he turned away from them and began to make his way toward the reception.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Harry stood silently against the cold, stone wall of the Great Hall. The graduation party for all the Seventh Years and their dates was in full swing, and despite the lively atmosphere Harry was not in the mood to celebrate. The past year had taken a huge emotional toll on him, and it felt like the weariness of it all had finally caught up with him. Looking out on the floor he once again spotted Ron and Hermione in each other's arms on the dance floor. In spite of his convictions, he was beginning to lose control. Each second he found himself on edge waiting to look up and see Ron on bended knee in front of Hermione. He was being driven crazy with emotion.

'Can no one hear what my heart seems to shout?' he thought bitterly looking away. For once he was thankful that he would be staying at Hogwarts, and Hermione and Ron would be leaving for London tomorrow. He would miss them terribly, especially Hermione, but they would stay connected through letters and such. He needed to be alone. At least for a little while until he could build his resolve back up.

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a dreamy voice to his left, "Hello Harry Potter."

Looking over to his left he was surprised to find Luna Lovegood standing beside him. Despite her participation in their Fifth Year DA as well as The Department of Mystery, Harry had not seen her too much over the past two years. "Hello Luna. What are you doing here?" asked Harry. He winced at the bluntness of his question, but truly he was surprised she was there.

"Well, a Seventh Year Ravenclaw invited me, but I found out once I got here that it was meant as a joke. I thought I'd leave but Professor McGonagall was nice enough to let me stay and enjoy the party," she replied quite cheerily not seeming insulted at all..

Pity immediately coursed through him as he looked at her. "I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that," he replied sincerely. He paused for a few moments waiting for her to comment; however, when she just stared blankly at him he attempted to carry on the conversation. "I didn't see you much this year. I'm sorry about that," he said, not so sure he meant it but saying it anyway.

"No need to apologize Harry. You were awfully distracted this year," she replied simply.

At her comment Harry's gaze flickered towards Hermione and Ron, who were now talking with another couple near the punch bowl. Remembering the struggles of the past year with Hermione, he responded while still gazing away, "Yes, I was rather preoccupied this year."

"Yes, NEWTS must have been terribly time consuming," commented Luna.

Harry quickly looked back at Luna realizing his mind had been elsewhere. Responding quickly, "NEWTS, of course. NEWTS were very overwhelming." He mentally kicked himself, telling himself to focus.

They stood there for several more minutes without saying anything. Harry looked around nervously feeling more awkward by the minute. Luna however, didn't seem bothered by the silence. Resolving to say goodbye and walk away, Harry began to slide away from her when she finally spoke again. "It's a shame you know, both of us here alone…dateless," she said seeming to eye Harry.

Harry backed away nearly horrified and said before he could help it, "Are you hitting on me?"

She looked at him as if he was crazy for thinking it. "God no Harry," she exclaimed. Harry tried not to be offended but couldn't help it. "You're a nice guy and all, but you don't need another female to complicate your life," she continued.

He laughed awkwardly, "I've been dateless all year, no need to worry about that."

"I was talking about Hermione," said Luna.

Harry's breath caught in his throat. As calmly as he could, he answered, "I'm not involved with Hermione."

At this comment Luna didn't answer, but gave him rather a knowing smile, which made him uncomfortable, and merely walked off. He sighed in relief as she walked away; however, he couldn't shake her last comment. Slowly he turned around, and across the crowded room he found the owner of a pair of chocolate brown eyes silently watching him.

Frozen in place he watched as she left Ron's side and slowly made her way across the room towards him. Smiling at him, she extended her hand, "Would you care to dance?" Harry knew he should decline. Being that close to her would push him over the edge. However, before he could take control of himself, he felt his hand slid into hers, and he was led onto the dance floor.

After dancing in silence for a few moments Hermione broke the quiet. "You walked off after the ceremony, but I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. You're going to make an excellent teacher. You were always great in the DA," she said warmly.

Harry fought with himself to not retort to exactly why he had walked off, and he instead tried to continue the conversation peacefully, "Thank you. Though I'm rather nervous since McGonagall told me I'm only the second…"

"…student in school history to be asked to teach straight out of school," finished Hermione.

He looked at her quizzically before replying, "I guess you aren't Head Girl for nothing. You do seem to know everything."

"Not everything," she replied softly. She paused before continuing, "I didn't know seven years ago that I'd fall for both of my best friends."

Harry stiffened at her words. He couldn't take this right now. "Well you obviously knew which one you truly wanted," he said eyeing Ron over Hermione's shoulder.

"No, I just knew only one of them wanted me," she said pulling his gaze back to hers.

Lost in her eyes he spoke before he could help himself, "Hermione, I always wan…"

However, Ron coming up from behind him interrupted. "Hey guys," he said cheerily.

Neither said anything, and Harry felt his heart fall as he felt Hermione's arms drop from his shoulders. "I was wondering Hermione if you would take a quick walk with me around the lake," asked Ron.

Harry instantly froze, the time he'd been dreading had come. Hermione quietly assented and putting her arm through Ron's stood next to him.

Turning to leave Ron said, "We'll see you later Harry." Harry felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart when Ron gave him a discreet wink. Painfully he watched them leave the Great Hall. Mentally, he willed them to come back, begging for a delay. Hope surge through him when he saw them pause at the door. Hermione slowly turned around looked at him, awareness in her eyes. She was waiting for something. For five second his mind and heart waged a violent war. He wanted to say something, anything, but he found he couldn't. He tried to force his body to run after her, but found himself immobile. All he could do was watch. His heart burst when he saw her turn back towards the doors and exit with Ron.

As she left his view, his body suddenly became unfrozen, and he found himself shaking. He knew by the burning in his eyes that he was fighting back tears. Needing to be alone, he ran all the way to his room.

H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H

Arriving to his common room, he slammed the portrait shut. Walking over to his desk, he smashed both his fists into the hard wood. Pain shot up his arm, but it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. He crouched over the desk, leaning heavily into it.

'You knew this was coming Harry,' an inner voice told him. 'You had so many opportunities to stop this, but you let it happen. Now face the reality."

He shook his head not wanting to think about it. Quietly he whispered, "I thought I was strong enough. I can beat freaking Voldemort, but I can't beat myself. Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so much?" The agony was apparent in his voice. Stumbling over to the fireplace, he leaned against the mantle.

He didn't know how long he stood there, before he heard the creaking of the portrait door. Turning around, his heart stopped when he saw it was Hermione. She seemed startled to see him, and her face was heavily flushed. "I'm sorry I didn't realize you'd be here. I thought you'd still be at the party," she said hurriedly.

"No," said Harry, "I had some thinking I needed to do."

"Yeah," she replied softly. "Me to."

Although since he saw her he tried to keep himself from looking, he felt his gaze fall to her left hand. His eyes widened when he saw nothing there. An immense feeling of relief overcame him. He started towards her when a glint of something caught his eye. Suddenly he found himself staring at a simple ring with a small diamond on Hermione's right hand ring finger.

Looking into Hermione's eyes he could tell from their frightened look that she knew he had seen the ring. Although he knew perfectly what it was, he couldn't keep himself from asking, "Hermione, what's that on your finger." He tried to keep his voice calm and collected.

"It's from Ron," she said simply not quite meeting his gaze.

"It's on the right hand. What is it a friendship ring then?" he asked rather sarcastically because both knew different. He didn't know why he was acting this way. He'd been able to control himself when they'd been dating. Why couldn't he now, even when he had been expecting it. 'Because when she's married I really don't have another chance,' he thought.

"Just stop it Harry," retorted Hermione stiffly. "You're not stupid. Ron asked me to marry him."

"Why isn't the ring on the left hand then?" he asked failing to come under control.

"Because I told him I had to think about it," she replied her voice rising with his.

Harry's heart lifted at these words, but his mind was on a path of destruction, and before he could help it he said, "Think about it! Don't pretend you didn't know this was coming. You've had weeks to think about it. Heck even if Ron hadn't told me, I'd have been an idiot not to see it."

Suddenly Harry saw Hermione's eyes widen and she spoke with a shaky voice, "You knew?"

Harry realized he shouldn't have said anything, but it was too late so he meekly replied, "Yes, Ron told me three weeks ago."

Her eyes blazed, "And you didn't say or do anything!"

At her tone Harry began to get offensive again. "What kind of person would I be if I told a girl her bloke was fixing to propose?"

Hermione gave Harry a meaningful look, "That's not what I meant by that question Harry. You knew he was going to ask me, and you just stood by. You didn't even try to fight for me."

Her statement shocked Harry. "For your information. Five minutes before Ron told me he was going to marry me, you were telling me you didn't even want to be friends. You wanted nothing to do with me. What the heck did I have to fight for?"

Her face flushed with anger, "You knew I wanted you Harry. I made it pretty clear Christmas Eve. I was yours for the taking, and you backed away. So I followed your lead and backed away too. That's all we've done is backed away from each other, ever since that bloody kiss on the train last year." She paused and took a few tentative steps towards him. "The reason I didn't answer Ron's question tonight wasbecause I didn't want to say yes without knowing if you and I even had a chance. So here it is Harry, our chance. I'm done backing away. Are you?"

Her gaze softened at her final words. Looking into her eyes, he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. However, when his gaze flickered to her ring, a ring given by his best friend, he found he still couldn't let go. Looking down at the floor he answered, "It's not that simple."

Still looking down, he felt a soft hand graze his cheek and pull his gaze up. Looking into his eyes she responded, "You're the one making it difficult."

Pulling away, he glared pointedly at her ring and said, "I beg to differ on that point."

Taking a step back, he created a cold distance between them. Hermione looked at him with pain in her eyes, which echoed in her voice, "So that's it? You're not even going to try for us." Still gazing at him her voice took on an edge, "Fine then, but I would like to know… What happened to my friend Harry? The one who did spontaneous, passionate things because he thought what he was doing was right. To the Harry who thought as long as he kept on fighting everything would turn out alright."

Harry turned toward her pain flashing in his eyes, "He realized people got hurt when he did that. Sirius, Ron, Dumbledore,…you. He realized afterwards it wasn't worth the pain."

Hermione took a few hesitant steps towards him. She tentatively grabbed one of his hands; the warmth of the touch spread throughout his entire body. Looking at him in the eye she replied, "You've spent the last seven years saving others, but trust me, one day you are going to wake up and realize you need someone to save you."

Suddenly she let go of his hand, turned away from him, and began to walk towards the door. For some reason with every step she took away from him his anger dissolved and was replaced by a hollow feeling. Unable to help himself he called out to her, "Where are you going?"

She turned around at the door and smiled sadly at him. "To find Ron. I think he deserves an answer," she said simply. Without further ado she left.

Harry slumped. After the conversation they just had, he knew what her answer would be. What was worse was that he wasn't going after her. He knew what he wanted, but he just couldn't go after it. 'Hermione was right,' thought Harry, 'what had happened to me?' Walking into his bedroom he shut the door and proceeded to the nightstand where his photo album lay. He opened it to the last page, and looked wistfully at the last picture of him and Hermione. Sighing he whispered into the night, "I fell in love, and now I know what it truly means to sacrifice."

Closing the book, he turned off the light, collapsed onto the bed, and dreamt of a world where he and Hermione could be together, all the while knowing that the world didn't exist.

H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H

Harry woke up rather groggily the next morning. Judging by the amount of light entering the room, he realized that he had slept pretty late. Sitting up on the edge of his bed in yesterday's clothes, he straightened his glasses and looked at his watch. He gasped when it read 10:50. He was supposed to see Ron and Hermione off on the train at 11:00. Not bothering to change into fresh clothes, he hurriedly opened the door to his room and ran out nearly slipping on a piece of paper in front of his door.

The castle was nearly vacant, except for the random student hurriedly carrying a hastily packed suitcase down the stairs to the train station. When he arrived at the station, the platform was nearly vacant to, except for the random student waiting to board with a friend. Looking hastily for a tall red head, he was surprised to find only Hermione waiting with her trunk at the other end of the platform. He silently watched her as she appeared to be anxiously looking around with her hands in her pockets. He didn't approach her right away, knowing that it would be a long time before he would see her again he simply watched her, taking in the view. As he watched her, she suddenly saw him, and her entire face was radiant. He was slightly taken aback because of the harsh words from last night, but he decided that for seven years of friendship despite the last year of conflict they could part amicably. One thing he knew for sure was that he would not even glance at her hands.

Silently walking towards her, he noticed that her eyes seemed expectant. When he finally reached her, she didn't say anything, like she was waiting for something from him. Not sure what to say he asked, "Where's Ron?"

She seemed surprised by his words, but she replied, "He's already on the train."

Seeing that she wasn't going to add anything to the comment he continued, "Well I guess you better be boarding too. It's getting late. Be sure to tell Ron I said goodbye."

At his words he saw Hermione's eyes drop and begin to tear. He could tell she was trying to keep it under control. The sadness in her eyes brought pain to his eyes. He couldn't believe he was actually telling her to leave. Gaining some resolve he heard her say, "Yeah, I better get going." She paused before continuing, "I'm going to miss you Harry."

Looking to her eyes he replied, "I'm going to miss you too Hermione. More than you'll know."

"Oh I think I do know," she replied sadly. "Goodbye Harry."

She turned to leave, but he couldn't help himself from calling out, "Why goodbye and not good luck?"

She turned and took a step back toward him with a slight smile on her face, "Didn't I say that to you the night the final battle started?"

"Yeah," he smiled remembering, "You kissed me on the cheek and said you would see me later. Even knowing I was going to face Voldemort I couldn't help but believe you."

She smiled sadly, "Well then, for old time sakes. Good luck Harry Potter." She then took a confident step towards him, and he knew she was going to kiss him on the cheek. As her face drew nearer to his flashes from last years train ride flashed in his head. He saw himself accidentally turn into the kiss. Like it was yesterday he felt the warmth of her lips and the sensation as she'd deepened the kiss. It had been a whole year sense that moment, and all he wanted was for one moment to feel her lips on his again. A true finish and goodbye. Slowly he felt himself turn his head towards hers. He saw her lips in slow motion inch towards his mouth. He waited in anticipation closing his eyes, but the moment didn't come. Opening his eyes he saw Hermione's face a centimeter from his. She was smiling sadly, and as he looked into her eyes he saw their first and last kiss playing in front of her eyes too. Still close to his face she whispered, "Not this time." There were tears in her eyes. Backing away from him she grabbed her luggage as the trains whistle sounded. "I'll see you later Harry," she called her voice slightly cracking. He watched her get on the train and vanish down the corridor. 'I'll see you later Harry,' crushed his heart, because, this time he didn't believe her.

H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H&H

Arriving back to his room, he let the tears flow. He never imagined how hard it would be to truly let her go. Nothing would ever be the same. All he could think of was Hermione with Ron. Walking into his room, he once again noticed the piece of paper he slipped on coming out of his room earlier that day. Hastily he picked it up, realizing that it was an envelope. His breath caught when he saw his name written in Hermione's handwriting. With a shaking hand he opened it and pulled out two items. Carefully he unfolded the first and read it:

_Harry,_

_I wanted to tell you this in person but when I came back from talking with Ron you had already gone to bed, so it looks like this letter is my only option. First, I wanted you to know that I gave Ron his ring back. Whether or not you were willing to give us a chance, I knew that I could never be with him because I couldn't love him, not when my heart was with you. It has always been with you Harry and always will be. For once in your life forget about being noble and go after what you want._

_Now you see, here is wherewe have a problem. I know what I want, and that is you. But you see, I don't know what you want. If what you want is to live your life as the sacrificing hero, then go ahead I know I can't stop you. However, if you want me… my heart has always been here for you to take._

_Something I didn't tell you was that the reason I knew you were the second student in Hogwarts history to get offered a teaching job was because I was the first. McGonagall offered me the Transfiguration job, so she could be a full time Headmistress._

_I want to stay at Hogwarts Harry. To teach and more importantly to be with you. Now, all I want to know is if that is what you want too. Do you want me to stay?_

_Tomorrow morning I will be waiting for you with my trunks on the station platform. Please meet me there. Please ask me to stay._

_Love,_

_Hermione_

_P.S. I left you something for your album._

With a shaking hand, Harry pulled out the second thing in the envelope. A single tear rolled down his cheek when he saw a picture of him and Hermione at the Yule Ball. They were dancing, their eyes penetrating each other's. He watched them slowly turning around the floor like there was no where else they would rather be. Subconsciously, he turned over the picture, and he was surprised to find a small note written in Hermione's hand on the back.

_"In case you were still wondering, this is what I saw in the mirror."_

In a flash Harry saw his own vision in the mirror, the midnight broom ride, the hospital wing, the photo album… Everything led him to this moment. Quietly, as he turned to look at the picture again, he whispered, "All I want is you." Throwing down the letter and the picture, he knew what he had to do, for Hermione and for himself. Bursting into his room he grabbed his Firebolt. Sprinting out of his room, he ran out onto the balcony and leaped over its ledge. Plunging down, he threw his broom under him and accelerated forward. When he found the train track, he began to follow the thought of Hermione willing him forward.

His heart leapt as the train came into his sight. Pushing forward, he flew along one side of the train and began screaming, "Hermione! Hermione!" He attracted plenty of attention, but he had yet to find Hermione.

Suddenly from behind him he heard an annoyed voice, "Harry, what the heck do you think you're doing?" Turing his head around, his heart rejoiced when he saw Hermione sticking her head out the last compartment window.

Slowing down to meet her at the window Harry began to shout over the rushing wind, "I didn't know you were waiting for me. I just found the note."

Hermione's face dropped at this, "It's too late Harry."

Harry wasn't about to give up, not this time. "Not for us Hermione. I know I've kept pushing us away. I know I've hurt you, but we're meant to be together. I know this now."

Barely holding back tears she responded, "If it was meant to be it wouldn't be this hard."

Smiling slightly Harry relied, "Anything worth having is worth fighting for Hermione. Look at me I'm riding a broomstick next to a speeding train. How much more spontaneous and passionate do you want me to get?" He saw her crack a smile at this. "I want you Hermione. I'm asking you to stay… with me."

The tension of the moment was coursing between them. Harry stared intently at her, waiting for her to answer. Looking up at him she asked, "Why should I stay?"

Harry smiled, before easing up on his broomstick. He heard Hermione scream, "Harry!" but by that time he had already flown to the back of the train and boarded. When he entered the last compartment he tried not to chuckle when he saw her still with her head out the window looking every which way.

"Stay," he said causing her head to whiz back into the compartment, "because I'm in love with you." Upon saying the words to her, he felt his heart lighten. He'd finally put himself out there.

He saw her eyes brim with tears. "No," she whispered. Harry was shocked. What was she saying? However, his heart eased when she smiled slightly and rushed toward him. "I'll stay because I'm in love with you."

Upon hearing those words Harry grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her close for a searing kiss. He felt her wrap her arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. After what seemed like an eternity they pulled apart both with smiles on their faces.

"I've been waiting a year to do that," said Harry happily.

Hermione laughed, "I've been waiting a year for you to do that too." She then proceeded to pull him into another kiss. A kiss that held the promise of eternity.

The End

And so it is finished. A big thank you to all of my readers and reviewers. You have all made my first writing experience an enjoyable one. Give me a shout if you enjoyed the story. If you didn't. Well, I guess you can keep that to yourself for the sake of a first time writers self-esteem. Thank you all for the support.


End file.
